RWBY Meets World
by DeamonHunter
Summary: The Manager just wanted to work and pay his rent, he never expected to struggle to keep Cinder and Jaune from killing each other, trying to help Glynda with paperwork and dodge Yang's inevitable hijinks. When the Hunters and Huntresses of Remnant set up shop in his apartment building what will he do? Prepare for absurdity, foodfights, party crashers and the occasional yakuza grunt.
1. Chapter 1: The Manager meets Remnant

hello again. i am posting this as it has been on my computer for awhile and I haven't really had much time to fiddle with the next entry. it became a little bit too absurd so I will have to re-write it. Anyway, all responses good and bad, compliments and criticism Are greatly appreciated. Just take this as a light piece, It's much more absurd and upbeat that The Aftermath.

Enjoy!

* * *

I sighed, looking once more at the wreckage of my small apartment. I live in Japan, which makes apartments tiny. Compared to most, my apartment was large. Two rooms a half bathroom and a shower. My bedroom doubled as a living room. Tatami flooring, a TV and a couch-bed thing, What are those called again? Futons? Fold-out beds? Gah, I don't know.

Regardless, I digress. I was a messy person. I had a desk with drawers and the drawers were full of scrap paper, old letters and junk. I found my iPod in there once, I had been looking for it for months. No joke. But this mess, this mess that made my room look like a nuclear bomb had gone off was not my fault. This was the fault of two people who until one year two months and a week ago I had thought were completely fictional, who were for whatever reason looking for something in my room. This all started with another character actually, but maybe going back a year, two months and a week will be simpler than trying to explain everything.

"You should have pointed-"

OZPIN! MY STORY! MINE!

Anyway one year, two months and a week ago:

It was a normal day. I taught English to junior high school students on the island of Kyushu, (to avoid harassments and people trying to meet Ozpin I will avoid saying where). I had just finished up my day, Walked out of school got on the bus, hopped off the bus half a hour later, got groceries and walked home. Everything was normal and I was hoping to play some fallout on my Xbox (please note, never get an Xbox in Japan, they do not sell used games because the xbox is unpopular and therefore the games are super-expensive). I swiped my key card at the outer doorway and walked in as the sliding glass door to my apartment building opened. I walked down the small hallways to the elevator, I thought about taking it.

I live on the second floor so it probably would have faster to walk up the stairs but I was feeling lazy. After a moment I sighed, the elevator was on the fourteenth floor, might as well walk. So there I was walking up one flight of stairs and opening a door that I swore could hold off the zombie apocalypse (I think it is made of two inches of steel) only to see a woman standing in front of me. Before you squeal about Glynda Goodwitch this was _not_ Glynda. Anyone who has seen the third volume of RWBY knows exactly whom I am talking about.

Of course I was an idiot. After all the idea of an anime-esque (I won't touch that debate with a fifty foot pole) character coming to life was up until that point complete fantasy in my mind. "excuse me." I said, not even thinking about what I was seeing, I just wanted to get to my apartment. I was tired, and sore and wanted to wear some jeans instead of the suit I was currently in.

"I'd wait a few minutes before going in." Salem said almost politely

"Why?" I asked, quickly becoming annoyed but also confused. I still had not realized whom I was talking to. I really wanted to get to my apartment.

"I know you have had a long day. You have two choices, go in that's the red pill. Wait five minutes, that is the blue pill." Salem said.

At this point I was creeped-out. So creeped-out I started to move around her and completely ignored the matrix reference. Thinking back, how the hell did Salem know about the Matrix? She is a powerful, presumably evil witch and all but seriously? There was some weird stuff going on that I needed answered and of course I did not ask a single question. "Why shouldn't I go into my apartment? should have been one I pressed more than once.

I quickly hurried to my apartment, literally not twenty feet from where the creepy lady was. I turned to look at her, she stood there, staring at me-

* * *

"menacingly"

"OZPIN! I WAS ON A ROLL!"

"you need to improve your storytelling"

* * *

Okay Salem stared menacingly (not really). She seemed amused. I decided to call the cops before realizing the inevitable problem of speaking barely any Japanese made such a call close to impossible. I opened the door and who do I find inside?

Not Adam

Not Cinder, Mercury or Emerald

Mysterious enemy? Nope.

Grimm? Sometimes I wish.

* * *

"Please, that is not-"

"OZPIN! GO MAKE COFFEE! I GOT THAT COFFEE MAKER YESTERDAY! USE IT!"

* * *

On my fold out bed (going with that, no idea if it's right). There was Ozpin, and Glynda, and Qrow. I was partially dumbfounded. Of course, After watching 3 volumes of RWBY buying the DVD's and visiting one convention, I still did not recognize any of them at first.

"Ozpin, watch out for the AT-AT!" Qrow shouted pointing at my tv

"Please Qrow, I am in a much more mobile snow-speeder. I can easily-"

The sound of explosions caused Qrow to look at Ozpin ruefully.

"You were saying?"

"You two, shut up! I need to kill vader!" Glynda snapped.

My reaction was a mixture of: someone is in my house and why are people playing on my xbox without me?

My question eloquently explained all of that:

"hello?"

Three faces turned too look at me. Qrow face palmed. Ozpin froze and Glynda went slack jawed, eyes wide.

"Why are you in my house?" I asked. I was being about as dense as a board. In any other situation where a similar scenario happened, I would be dead, unconscious, begging for mercy, or screaming.

* * *

"don't forget pissing your pants" I leap three feet off my couch

"QROW, PLEASE DON"T DO THAT YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN ME A HEART ATTACK!"

"sorry, what have you written?"

"YOU CAN READ LATER. I AM NOW WRITING."

Anyway, back to the story.

* * *

"We are… inspectors making sure your console is functioning to standard." Ozpin said quickly. He had recovered from the shock and was quickly trying to maneuver past me. Unfortunately I was in a very narrow hallway so unless he could transform into a paper thin copy of himself he was not going to get around me. As he came closer I recognize the white hair, the glasses, even the voice (how that works I do not know).

"You're Ozpin!" I exclaimed. Dumbfounded by my realization he immediately responded with "Yes. Now please excuse me" It took him a moment to realize he had just confirmed he was not from Earth. Ozpin simply sighed.

This resulted in all hell breaking loose.

"Dammit Ozpin!" Qrow exclaimed.

Glynda groaned "This is terrible."

"it is for the best, we did break and enter after all. He might as well know why." Ozpin said calmly.

"You just had to play battlefront. You just had to play the battle of Jakku, you just had to see a volcano!" Qrow exclaimed

"and I was right! It was all lovely." Ozpin responded.

"There are volcanoes in Vale!"

"but no Star Wars franchises."

"Wait, but that means you," I said pointing to Qrow "are Qrow. You are Glynda." Glynda raised her hand "guilty" She said, resigned to this mess.

"But wait, if you are… then that means…" As my mind pieces these things together I come to a realization. Horrified, I spun around took three steps and quickly opened my apartment door. There stood a smiling Salem. I slowly started to walk backwards. I walked through the hallway still staring at Salem in the open doorway.

A few things that you should take note of:

One: Salem, is _definitely_ a villain. She wants to destroy Remnant and humanity. But is really quite friendly to everyone not on her kill list. Somehow that includes me, Ozpin and maybe Glynda. She wants to eviscerate Qrow.

Two: Salem _wanted_ me to open the door to my apartment, more on that later.

Three: Salem has some very weird powers; I seriously do not understand them. Something about a German guy's cat was about all I got. Shrodinger's cat or something? You think a history major would remember this stuff.

At that point I knew none of those things and fell backwards. Fight or flight kicked in. What did I do? Well that should be quite clear. I had the home field advantage; she had no access to Dust. She had no advantages, except that I knew _nothing about her_.

So when she stepped through the doorway into my apartment I did the only rational thing: I slammed the inner door to my apartment shut. For some reason this hallway had the door out to the outdoor hallway and one on the opposite end into my apartment proper. The outdoor one was made of thick wood, the inner one of glass. Yes glass, the fragile stuff that is transparent and breaks very easily. I should note that I slammed the door in her face. She did not look pleased. I realized quite quickly this would not end well.

Salem somehow had the patience to knock on the door. Unfortunately "knocking" clearly requires more force on Remnant, much more force. The glass door shattered and I screamed. someone put their hand on my shoulder causing me to embarrassingly enough, squeal. I looked up Ozpin stood there smiling at me.

"Now calm down. This is not as bad as it looks. She won't eat you."

"I'm terribly sorry! I shouldn't have knocked so hard! I was trying to be polite and…"

"Huh?" Was my only reaction. Salem, scary super-villain was _apologizing for breaking a door_. Does this make sense to anyone? It certainly didn't to me.

Ozpin tuned to look at Salem. "Let's clean up." then he closed his eyes "Glynda."

Glynda sighed as she used her semblance to repair the glass door. "Let's all sit down and explain what is going on to this poor boy." She insisted.

A few minutes later I was sitting on a stool. Salem and Ozpin sat on the couch while Glynda and Qrow sat on two other stools.

"So Remnant is real?" I asked. Heads nodded

"You can all use your semblances and auras here?" Again nodding

"how did you get here again?"

"We got here through a manipulation of time and space caused by the convex of-"

"Magic." Ozpin answered interrupting Glynda's overly technical answer. Glynda glared at Ozpin for giving the not-quite-correct answer.

"Why are you here?"

"For fun" Qrow responded with a shrug.

"And um, why are the three of you and Salem not killing each other?" I ask, daring to point out the elephant in the room.

"We can still be civil. This is neutral territory." Salem explained

"This world?" I asked

"This apartment." Salem responded.

 _Dear god, if you do exist I need monty oum to tell me what to do. He created these characters._ I think quickly.

At this point I am debating the existence of God and also debating whether Monty Oum, deceased animator extraordinaire, is God. Needless to say that debate has not moved forward since it began in my mind.

"I am insane." I say, convinced this is all a psychological meltdown.

"That notion is insane." Ozpin replied.

"You are all fictional characters!" I argue.

" _Were_ fictional, we came to be three years ago and will continue to exist when RWBY, the tv show ends." Glynda explained.

"Huh?"

"We were created by imagination, a world was created. And now, it simply exists." Glynda tried to explain

"So when I write a story, it somehow becomes real?"

"As long as the world can function, has natural laws and such, then pretty much yes."

"How about movies?" I get nods.

I in turn curl up in a fetal position, trying to convince myself that I am actually insane. I suspected that was the more positive option. It is a strange day when being insane seems like an optimistic possibility. Qrow seemed to sense my glimmer of hope, and immediately set about crushing it. How he did this was reasonable. He walked outside, grabbed the first person he saw and dragged him into my room.

Unfortunately for the poor soul who now had to suffer this, He was not a Japanese person. At least then he would not be able to answer Qrow's questions. Qrow probably would have dropped him back outside almost immediately. Instead this person was another language teacher and a friend. He was on a year long contract but, after Qrow's stunt, I sincerely doubted he would be here for much longer. If he was smart he would flee the country. Glynda and Ozpin looked shocked by Qrow's actions but did nothing to change them.

"Ron, help me." I begged. Ron, a curly haired thirty year old with big glasses and a Scottish accent was utterly confused. "Who are these people? What the bloody hell are they doing in your apartment?" At this, my hope of insanity shriveled, died and was then chucked into a black hole.

'Enough evidence?" Qrow asked. I nodded. Qrow then put Ron back outside and closed the door.

"Why here? Why my apartment?" I asked.

Salem looked at Ozpin, Who looked at Qrow who looked at Glynda. Glynda groaned in defeat.

"Your apartment was the easiest to break into. The door was left unlocked."

That's right, forgetting to lock my apartment door caused this.

"And now that you know our secret you have two options." Ozpin said quickly. He took a deep breath. Salem smiled, It was very creepy.

"you can act as our haven on Earth or you can leave this apartment and this country and never return."

"Hey! This is my apartment!" I said, my brain finally working again. "that's not fair."

"life's not fair kiddo." Qrow responded, searching for alcohol. "ooh, whiskey." He said opening the half empty bottle and pouring it into his canteen.

"I can't leave I have a contract." I muttered. I thought that it might make them change there minds. If experience is anything to go by you should be able to guess how that strategy went.

"Then it's decided. We now have housing for those who wish to explore this world!" Salem said cheerfully. "Ozpin will stay behind to explain the basics to you." Salem said. I finally stood up, prepared to demand her to leave. Fortunately my cowardly instincts took hold, as she looked at me with her red eyes "Don't break the deal. There are great rewards for those who keep their deals and grave punishments when they don't" She advised. Clearly I was in no shape to actually respond. Ozpin chuckled. I turned to see him sipping coffee from a mug. One of my mugs I might add. He was drinking my coffee. He must have made it before I came back.

"Not as good as Beacon's but not bad. You should get more." Ozpin said about the coffee. It was my turn to groan.

"Now you know how I feel" Glynda muttered, as she cleaned my apartment.

"Of course you will be compensated for your services." Ozpin said. "You will be paid in a variety of ways. Sometimes with services, equipment, favors or even money." As a signing bonus…" Ozpin started putting a hand on my shoulder I started to feel dizzy "you get a free trip for starters". Suddenly we were not in my apartment, we were in a courtyard I spun around. Salem was not there, but Glynda, Qrow and Ozpin were. I turned back staring at a fountain with an unmistakable statue on it.

"This is…"

"You get a free trip to beacon academy, to get your aura unlocked." Qrow said smiling. "I am gonna love this."

I frowned, I had work tomorrow, I didn't have time for this. A small voice in the back of my head screamed for help, needless to say I ignored it, mostly because there was nothing I could do.

"First a tour, and then aura, then lastly you duties and responsibilities as the Remnant-Earth Vacation Manager! You will have a lovely experience." Ozpin said. I almost cried. I felt I was going to miss work tomorrow.

_'

IN THE PRESENT: Qrow, Alcohol and Toilets

OZPIN! GIVE ME BACK MY COFFEE! I NEED IT TO KEEP WRITING!

"Coffee is bad for you. You shouldn't drink so much."

"SAYS THE COFFEE MONSTER! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? DON'T YOU HAVE A SCHOOL TO RUN?"

"One day at a time Mr. Manager"

"OZPIN!"

"Hey Ozpin, the toilet is clogged I tried to fix it… but… heh." qrow said scratching the back of his head while holding his weapon as it gently dripped water.

"QROW, I SWEAR, IF YOU JUST TRIED TO UNCLOG A TOILET WITH YOUR WEAPON I WILL KILL YOU!"

"I didn't! I used the plunger"

"I DON'T HAVE A PLUNGER QROW. YOU BROKE THE LAST ONE. WHAT DID YOU USE QROW?"

"This."

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU MESS UP A BROOM WITH A PLUNGER? I USE THAT TO CLEAN MY FLOORS!"

"Sorry."

"HOW DRUNK ARE YOU? DID YOU DOWN ANOTHER BOTTLE OF SHOCHU? THOSE ARE EXPENSIVE!"

"Now Mr. manager, you should calm down. It was a drunken error, not the end of the world."

"OZPIN, THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME THIS WEEK! SO FAR IT HAS HAPPENED EVERY DAY HE HAS BEEN HERE! HE ALREADY PISSED IN THE WASHING MACHINE TWICE TODAY ALONE!"

"Qrow, maybe you should lighten up on the alcohol. Maybe only one bottle a day would be better."

"Ozpin, that's slicing it down by half!"

"HE DRINKS TWO BOTTLES A DAY? QROW DID YOU SPEND MY MONEY ON MORE ALCOHOL? I NEED THAT MONEY TO BUY FOOD! NO MORE BUYING ALCOHOL WITH MY MONEY!"

"well, I could always steal money."

"THAT'S ILLEGAL!"

* * *

This was fun to write. It was my first comedy piece so i hope you enjoyed it. It's all over the top and i will attempt to keep it that on reactions I'll commit to writing this one next, this is partially a proof of concept and partially it has been sitting on my computer for months. Please review favorite, follow all that stuff. Writing in a vacuum without any responses, positive or negative can be tough since I don't know if I'm improving or not. Pointers and ideas are always appreciated.

For those who preferred the serious tone of The Aftermath I am working on Ruby's section which should be out in a couple of weeks. I also am working on Salem's Shadow: Sanctum which is part 1 of a long running series I am hoping to write. Again, Follow, favorite and review! Thanks a ton!


	2. Chapter 2: Qrow watches something funny

Yo Kiddo! It's me Qrow The coolest hottest most badass hunter around!

So the Manager is struck down with a Cold this week and can't write the next part of his story so far! Kinda sucks for him but as some dumb old guy called Shankspeare-

"Shakespeare"

Yeah what the sick kid said, Shakespeare (know it all). Anyway what that guy said the show must go on!

"That wasn't Shakespeare."

"Whatever!"

Anyway I'm going to write the next entry. This will be awesome and you will all come to love me as much as Just Kidding Rowling!

"Lame!"

"Aren't you sick? Drink noodle soup or something!"

Anyway back to the story that he was telling last week.

So there we were this kid just learned that he was going to get his aura unlocked and get to hang out with Hunters and what was his expression? Well honestly I was pretty drunk, but I think it was sorta like me getting a new assignment, kid looked like someone just took a piss on him. Hell in his shoes even I admit it was too much too fast, I think I woulda decked Ozpin if I were in his shoes. This kid was way too polite, just like some young kid in junior high.

* * *

"I was twenty-two Qrow."

"My story time! You go do what sick people do."

* * *

Anyway this kid had gotten his apartment broken into, I drank all his alcohol, Ozpin and Glynda played battlefront on his Xbox and Salem did creepy stuff. Needless to say this kid looked sad. Later we would tell him he was gonna spend a week in Remnant, kid almost cried. Glynda said she would smooth over any problems he had with work. Kid calmed down and said "really?" he looked a lot like Ruby staring at a weapon. If he was a girl it woulda been kinda cute.

First things first, Ozpin walked him into the headmasters office. Ozpin sat in his weird Dick shaped chair.

"Now I know this might come as a shock but…"

"I'm not sure much could come as a shock anymore." The kid deadpanned

"What is your name again?" Ozpin asked tilting his head. For a minute there was absolute silence. The kid just stared. Pretty stunned that Ozpin had broken into his apartment, played his video games, drank his coffee and hadn't even gotten his name. In fact I think the kid was still trying to compute that on top of everything else that had happened in the last hour. Needless to say he was not responsive.

"Hello? Anybody there?" Ozpin asked, drinking from his regular coffee mug.

"Raye." The kid said. "Call me Raye."

(of course I changed the kid's name)

"I think Manager is better." I said as a joke. I was wasted and hadn't said anything funny for a while. I have a reputation to maintain after all.

"That settles it. We will call him Mr. Manager." Ozpin said.

"Professor Ozpin! That is beyond cruel! You-"

"Glynda Goodwitch has a reservation for the first day." Ozpin quickly interrupted. Glynda froze before turning to the Raye. "Mr. Manager I request a warm bath at 5 A.M. every day of my break."

Manager, who until then viewed Glynda as the one sane person in our trio had that hope crushed then eaten by an Ursa. He was not good at figuring out who was sane.

* * *

"She was nice to me!"

"She also demanded baths at 5 A.M. nothing more villainous than making someone get up early!"

* * *

Anyway back to the story, Manager slowly nodded, yielding to the infallible troll logic of Ozpin, king of screwing with people. I walked up and patted the kid on his head. His ginger-brown hair ruffled quietly.

"Well kiddo time to wake up your aura." I said kindly, flashing a winning smile. "Should we drag him to Port or do it here?"

"I might as well do it." Ozpin said getting up and grabbing his cane.

"You awaken aura's?" I asked incredulously.

"Indeed I do." Ozpin said. He placed one hand on Liam's head. "We stand at the precipice, shadow and light combined, each vying for dominance where there was shadow shall now be light." Ozpin whispered.

Nothing happened.

I buckled over and laughed "What the hell was that Ozpin? Please tell me your joking!" I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself at least until I noticed a bright aura glowing nearby. I looked up. Raye's aura was glowing. Somehow, Ozpin's truly lame chant had awakened this kids aura. It was looking like it probably above average but not by much way below what a Hunters actually needed to be. Good for him that was not his job.

He looked at his hands they glowed a slight orange, sorta the color of a sunrise on the horizon, a deep reddish-orange. He looked at it and smiled. Suddenly Liam was awake again. There was a fire in his eyes that wasn't there before.

"hey looks like the kid is awake." Qrow said.

"I feel awesome!" Raye said excitedly

"Manager, can you hear me?" Ozpin asked. Raye looked at him.

"Can you please stop calling me that it is annoying." Raye said

Ozpin smiled "Finally a response! Good!" Taking another sip. "but no mr. manager I will not call you anything else." Then he took another rlong sip as if to just say _fuck you_ to this kid.

Ozpin and his coffee is a weird thing, I half imagine his semblance had something to do with coffee before I saw it. Then when I did I realized why he drank so much coffee; every time he used his semblance he needed to spend a few days wide awake to resolve the mess he caused. There was one time he almost wrecked Beacon in his second year. Glynda had just turned him down _again_. It was funny until he had to help repair the cafeteria and my team had to help.

Anyway back on track. Ozpin looked at Raye smiling

"I'd like to note we shouldn't use his real name. It could cause problems in case of another incident."

" What incident?" Manager asked before shaking his head "on second thought, I don't want to know."

Ozpin nodded trying to act sage like. That is for the best, that was a dark time. Glynda sighed yet again. "Can we come up with a reasonable name for him to use with others. One that does not have a word as a name?"

"Red"

That was used in Pokemon! And not used on Earth.

"Sapphire"

"Rock. And doesn't make sense in my world."

"How about Raye? As in rays of the sun?" Glynda asked.

(now you know why I'm using Raye)

"That works." Ozpin said looking at Raye

Raye nodded in defeat He was inexplicably bored.

"That's a last name I guess." Raye said.

"Good enough for now." Ozpin said. "Better than manager" He quickly added, pre-empting any attempt to argue.

Raye now slumped down in his chair exhausted from trying to think up a name that would almost certainly be attached to him for years to come. And like that, he went from being Manager to Raye in less than twenty minutes. The twists and turns of life, they really can be a shocker or in this case an annoyance.

Needless to say. Raye did not get long to rest. There was a hammering on the door. Ozpin sighed. "Back to work." He muttered. "Come in," he said. The door opened to reveal Yang Xiao-long, My niece. I immediately knew things were not going well.

"Miss Xiao-long, good of you to join us." Ozpin said as he returned to his desk and placing his hands on his desk.

"Hey Professor Ozpin, Professor Goodwitch, Uncle Qrow." She said cheerfully.

"Do you know why you are here?" Ozpin asked. Yang shook her head. At this Ozpin sighed and looked at Glynda. Glynda looked back and shrugged. Ozpin's eyes widened.

Why had they called her here? As if to answer my question, Glynda groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Yang just looked confused.

"Is she here to train me?" Raye asked. At this Ozpin perked up.

"Yes! Exactly!" he exclaimed leaning forward and pointing at Yang, his eyes wild and glimmering with hope.

Yang slumped forward, "Do I have to?" She asked.

"Yes you do Yang! I said, exasperated. I went to take a drag of alcohol from my flask only to realize it was empty. I groaned and hung my head. I would have the mother of all hangovers in a few hours.

* * *

"You totally deserved it."

"You hurt my heart! How could you be so cruel?"

"I have a migraine, a stomach ache, your niece just knocked me into next week. I think I have some latitude."

"No, go back to next week. You probably deserved to be punched there"

"it's a figure of speech."

"Yang punching you is a figure of speech? Yeah right, shove it up your ass."

"Stop talking and writing at the same time then."

"No."

Raye moaned.

Qrow glanced him, _Lightweight_ he thought.

* * *

Yang Looked at Raye. Then turned to me,

"how old is scrawny over here? He looks in worse shape than vomi- _Jaune_." She emphasized the last point and it came out awkwardly.

" _Yang and her nicknames, they never end."_ I thought. At least she hadn't called him that in front of Ozpin and Glynda. That could've caused trouble.

"Raye here, is the manager of a new and highly exclusive vacationing area. Unfortunately he has to deal with potential dangers and for that needs training." Glynda explained, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"Where is it?" Yang asked quickly, a sparkle in her eye making me shudder.

'you and the rest of team RWBY will find out soon enough. You will be on the first trip there." Ozpin said.

Yang spun around "Really?!" She exclaimed grinning widely. Glynda groaned and put a hand up to her face.

"There goes my vacation." She muttered

"On the condition that you train Raye, yes." Ozpin confirmed.

"Define train." Yang said, rubbing her chin and grinning.

"You will teach him how to fight like an actual hunter." Ozpin replied calmly.

"Hmm… Deal." Yang said. Snapping her fingers and pointing.

"Ms. Xiao-long, We mean actual training, that is _at minimum_ aura use and fighting, not video games. And no dumping him on Ms. Rose and Ms. Schnee"

Glynda said glowering. "If you do, you will pay the bill for your stay."

Yang scowled. "But he looks so weak!" She exclaimed "No offense, but it's true." She said turning to Raye. Glynda glared at her.

"Ms. Xiao long, this is not up for negotiation." She growled.

"but-"

Glynda snapped her riding crop causing Yang to instinctively shrink back. Glynda clearly was not in an understanding mood.

Yang slumped a little.

"OK" She muttered. Clearly not happy with how this was going. She walked over to Raye and grabbed him by the back of the collar. She yanked and Raye fell to the ground, the chair he was previously sitting in tumbling.

"Let's go. I'm not taking it easy on you!" She said fiercely.

I shook my head, feeling pity for the poor guy as Yang dragged him away. I knew what Yang would do to him, she would in effect, take out her frustration at Glynda on him by beating him to a pulp. He would get a hell of a lot stronger in two weeks, but he would probably be on crutches, eating out of a tube if he wasn't careful.

"The strength of youth." Ozpin said wistfully. Glynda looked at him with utter horror.

"If I don't get my vacation time it's your fault." She said.

* * *

"She would not have said that"

"Sorry Raye but she did, she doesn't care about you at all."

Raye slumped forward on the couch. He looked a little green.

"I told you to knock back a few more drinks last night."

"And get a worse hangover? No thanks Qrow."

Qrow pulled a bottle of whiskey out of his pocket "Drink this." He said.

Raye moaned as a response.

"is that a yes?"

"no Qrow, it is what the hell happened to my life." Raye snarked back.

Your funeral Qrow responded as he knocked back half the bottle.

"Don't get drunk again, I can't afford the property damages" Raye said curling in his blankets and shuddering at the thought.

Qrow smiled, he was going to get extra drunk today.


	3. Chapter 3: Ozpin wins a bet

Hello all, This is everyone's favorite Headmaster. You should all know me by now or at the very least my school, Beacon Academy. If you don't know me you probably should be watching that show made by Monty Oum (rest in peace Mr. Oum). He did his very best but never really showed my "Fun" side. He showed my Wise side exceptionally well and very accurately in fact I would say-

* * *

"Ozpin! Get on with this, I let you write this chapter I can uh… un-let you?"

Very true, but I was just explaining myself. I don't want them to think I am, as Ms. Xiao Long says, an ass."

"Just get on with this Ozpin."

"Very well, no accounting for taste I guess"

"Ozpin, I watch RWBY. Think about what you just said."

"…"

* * *

Anyway, Qrow was drunk when he wrote the last chapter and has lost chapter-writing privileges for a year (we'll see if that stops him). Therefore I have been elected to explain the goings on at Beacon when Raye finally arrived and was unceremoniously dragged out of my office by Ms. Xiao Long.

For anyone with half of an academic record, it should be quite clear what happened at the Training arena. Put simply, Yang Xiao Long does not understand what the differences are between training exercises and Mortal Combat. Having suspected this to be the case and not wanting to lose yet another lackey to Ms. Xiao Long's antics (Our turnover rate has increased tenfold since she arrived) I turned to Qrow to order him to watch over the two of them. Unfortunately for Glynda, Qrow was out cold, clearly in a coma from drinking alcohol instead of coffee. His lazy snoring almost made me bring out my secret magic marker, drawing on his face would both humiliate him, and teach him not to fall asleep in front of a man who, as a student, had pranked the previous headmaster and got away with it.

Needless to say I then turned to Glynda. "Glynda, please make sure that Ms. Xiao Long does not rip out the Manager's spine." I requested politely. Glynda turned and glared. The glare was so icy, and so fierce I wondered whether it was supposed to frighten me into redacting my request or wet myself for her pleasure. Knowing Glynda, probably both.

"Why me?" She snarled.

"We need him to walk to carry our bags when we actually visit the resort."

As a response Glynda pointed to her riding crop. Curse telekinesis.

"Would you like to carry everyone's bags?" I asked. Glynda huffed before storming out of the door. The true secret to getting Glynda to do what you ask is to threaten her with more work.

* * *

"Is that why she burned all your jackets the next day?" Raye asked sitting on a stool next to Ozpin and glancing as Ozpin used his computer.

"That was something else."

"So the revenge was when she mixed in animal waste with your coffee the next day." Raye quipped lightly.

Ozpin slammed his fist onto the desk

"I knew it tasted nutty…" He hissed.

"Back to the story Ozpin, needs to be done by tonight so I can grammar check it." Raye said cheerfully.

"You didn't grammar check Qrow's." Ozpin snarled

"And I got called by my real name once. Damn still need to fix that." Raye responded almost playfully, blatantly ignoring the death glares he was getting from Ozpin.

* * *

As I was saying, getting Glynda to do things is about making things seem like if she doesn't do what you say, she gets more work.

This generally works. This time however it did not. Instead, as she stormed out of the room she waved her riding crop. I felt myself be lifted out of my chair and dragged, _upside down_ behind her.

"Glynda, are you per chance angry at me."

"Yes Ozpin I am." She said quickly as she strode through the hallway, ignoring the curious glances of students. I, in my infinite wisdom decided to sit cross-legged upside down and cross my arms. I hoped it made me seem like one of those Shaolin monks I saw on TV at Raye's house. If it didn't ah well, at least I still looked calm, cool and collected.

At least until Glynda dropped me on my head. That actually hurt a little.

In her great magnanimity she waited until a stood up before opening the door to the training room. Glynda walked in, completely prepared for what she would see before her.

* * *

" What a sec, Glynda sounds evil one second and you praise her the next?"

"it is as you say, what I do."

" I never said that. Are you hitting on Glynda again? She said she's castrate you if you did."

"Women like being paid compliments."

"Pretty sure that was not the time to pay her compliments. Especially not-"

"Shush! You'll ruin the surprise.

* * *

As I was saying, in her great magnanimity she waited until I stood up before opening the door to the training room. She strode in. However, in her speed she had lacked to check if the room was being used by a crazy blond boxer with shotguns on her arms rather than another huntress altogether, and perhaps for a very different purpose.

She froze as she heard grunting. She spun around and from my view of her by the entryway I saw her eyebrows shoot to the top of her forehead. Every nerve was on full alert. I paled as I saw Glynda's face turn a deep red.

"What's going on?" I ask walking up to her. The response was not what I expected.

"Deeper! Deeper!"

 _Either Glynda is an exceptional ventriloquist or that was not her._ I thought.

"Velvet… I think…"

Hearing that I grab Glynda. I am in full panic mode. I take only a minute to look up, mostly to grasp the situation so that I could defuse it in true Hunter fashion.

There above us, body completely bare-

* * *

"Let's keep this clean for now Ozpin!"

"But Raye, I hear Lemons are great for attracting views."

"Not for this story!"

"Fine." Ozpin responds sulkily.

* * *

There was Velvet getting a very different kind of training done with her teammate Yatsuhashi. Needless to say I knew what to do right away. With a large smirk on my face I lifted up my left hand. Without looking I held out my hand in front of Glynda.

"Pay up."

Since Glynda's shriek could only be heard through roughly half of Beacon I would say I did an excellent job at diffusing the situation. The fact some of our students were doing "research for health class" (their words not mine) was something that would need to be addressed, but at the time being, a student getting some was of less importance than our vacation spot. I politely asked a partially dressed, blushing Velvet where Yang was. It seems we had entered the wrong training room and that Yang was currently pulling some poor sod's spine out by his throat (her words not mine). We exited quickly, and closed the door behind us.

"The nerve of some students." Glynda muttered still immensely furious at the fact that some students had needs that needed to be met _right then and there_.

"I recall a time when you were very much-" Glynda, for all her self control, lost it then. She did not shove me into a wall and instead used her heal to stomp on my foot. I hissed a number of profanities under my breath as I hopped on one foot, clutching the wounded body part in my hands.

"Mention that night again and Weiss Schnee will not have come up with a fitting punishment."

'It was more than just a night Glynda, I recall it going throughout the morning." I teased.

A quirk of her eyes was all the warning I needed.

"Very well Glynda, no more talking about it." I conceded. Glynda turned and walked fifteen steps, turning to open the correct training door.

Glynda opened the door in time to hear a shriek. I followed the flailing body with my eyes as it spun through the air and into (well more through) a wall.

"I told you to dodge!" Yang shouted, coming into view. Glynda groaned as she walked up to Raye. I glanced around the training room. Much of it seemed to still be in working order. The walls of the arena were In need of immediate repair, presumably Yang had had used Raye as a wrecking ball. _She's learning restraint! Who said threating to cut her hair wouldn't help?_ I thought cheerfully

The arena was surrounded by chairs. My eyes zeroed in a brown beret, dangling from one of the chairs. I almost went to approach the beret and examine the presence nearby. However, the moans of Manager Raye, spine still (presumably) intact seemed to warrant more immediate attention.

"How is it going Mr Raye?" I asked pleasantly.

Raye moaned in response.

"Have you learnt anything?"

"Hair, big no-no." He muttered weakly.

"I think he has concussion." Glynda said lifting the boy up. "What did you do to him Ms. Xiao Long?"

"What the hell? I held back! I even let him punch me! It went well until I told him to try dodging."

"And what exactly happened?" I ask fearing the worst.

"He kept screwing up, eventually he even tried to counter attack, grabbed some hair." She said calmly. Shrugging she pointed at him. "I didn't do anything."

In other words a potentially worst case scenario.

"At least he didn't rip any of it out." Yang said.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. This could have been far, far worse.

"That was awesome Fox! I'm on top this time!" A voice near the brown beret said excitedly between pants.

I look at Glynda who is once again, furious. She stared like a vengeful beast in the direction the voice was coming from. Even worse her face was a deep purple color.

"Professor Goodwitch, are you sick or something?" Yang asked, mercifully not adding a bad pun to this already hellish situation.

"No Ms. Xiao Long but team CFVY might be…" Glynda hissed raising her riding crop, I saw the chairs in the back of the room start to lift. A slight shriek revealed the two other member of Team CFVY, in a similar position to Ms. Velvet Scarlatina and Mr Yatsuhashi Daichi. Yang, in an almost amusing twist of fate started to get a nosebleed.

I rested my head in my hands. _Correction: this just got a hell of a lot worse_.

I was fortunate enough to convince Glynda to leave with Raye and Yang and go to the Medical center. Of course that left me With Ms. Coco Adel and Mr Fox Alistair.

"Ms. Adel, Mr. Alistair, what exactly were you doing?" I asked rhetorically.

"Research for health class?" Ms Adel responded weakly. I groaned,

"This is why I need a vacation." I muttered

* * *

"With all due respect I don't think there was a good answer to that question Ozpin." Raye says weakly.

"Anything could have been better than that."

"Would _I'm screwing my teammate in the middle of a training arena while I know a student and another person I don't know are actively sparring_ have been better?"

"I wouldn't call what was happening sparring."

"Is that seriously what you are debating?"

"I can't exactly stop my students libido."

'What did you do?"

"Told them they could do it like rabbits if they wanted to, but just in their room."

"You do know that Velvet is a rabbit faunus right? What if they had been offended?"

"…"

"Ozpin?"

"It just explains so much…"

"Like what?" Raye asked completely confused.

"12 kids…"

"Wait… they aren't coming with the rest of Team CFVY next week are they?"

"Maybe..."

"Damnit Ozpin!"

* * *

-After technical difficulties resulting from Raye from trying to kill Ozpin with a stool-

And we are back. I apologize, but it seems Raye went into temporary insanity after I jokingly told him team CFVY was bringing their children along when they come on the trip to Earth in a couple of days. I thought it was a funny joke since they don't have kids, he disagreed, seems he didn't know we actually had a health class at Beacon to teach kids things like safe sex. We are a school after all.

Anyway, in case you are concerned, he should be fine by the time he is able to remove himself from the wall. I think I hear him laughing, it seems he finally got the joke. Oh there are tears, maybe he's crying, I simply can't tell with him, his laughing and crying sound so similar to each other.

Anyway back to over a year ago.

Glynda and I looked at Raye in his bed. Yang unfortunately was with us.

"Well isn't he just a _raye_ of sunshine." She said, trying to waggle her eyebrows. A single glare from Glynda shut her horrible puns down quickly.

"Not funny Ms. Xiao Long." Glynda chastised. She was pissed. She was very pissed. Why was I in this room with a pissed off Glynda? Why the answer was quite simple.

She had still yet to pay up.

"Now Glynda, about our bets regarding Team CFVY…" I began. Glynda held up her hand. She sighed in defeat.

"Later Ozpin. Currently we have a badly injured Manager for a resort that is about to open in a few days. And I have still yet to purchase the property."

At that, my eyebrows shot up. I have to admit I was surprised.

"But you have the paperwork done right?"

"No."

"You hired a landlord?"

"No."

"You know how much it will be?"

"Ozpin I swear, ask one more question and you will regret it."

"Are you sure you don't need some stress relief?"

Glynda glared at me, slowly a Cheshire grin appeared on her face. I felt myself shiver. Glynda scowled, nightmarish-evil-deputy-headmistress-who-was-about-to- ruin-my-day smiled. I still request Glynda get a psychological check every year for a split personality disorder. She always comes back clean. She never tells me how she cheats on those tests. I failed every single one.

"In fact Ozpin, I might. However, I have my own ways of getting it none of which require _you_." She said almost purring at the very idea forming in her head. I immediately regretted my questions. But I had one more I needed to ask.

"Should I presume we're leaving it all up to him?" I asked pointing at Raye's limp, unconscious form. Glynda nodded briskly before storming off. I don't know where she went, but clearly it was a place better for my health than where she was a moment ago, that is, right next to me.

'I don't think teasing Glynda is a good idea." Raye muttered.

"Four Maidens of Remnant! Don't scare me like that!" I exclaimed. I had almost jumped out of my skin. Apparently this son of a gun had been awake the entire time. Not only that he had gotten the jump on me! Me! _I'll swap Yang's shampoo and say he did it, that should be a valid punishment for this guy._ I thought mischievously.

* * *

"That was you!?"

"Now I never said I went through with it."

"She put me in the E.R.!"

"Not my fault you cant take a punch."

"She dropped a truck on me! It's a miracle I'm alive!"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

* * *

"Sorry, thought you guys might want me to not interrupt." Raye said quietly. He shifted uncomfortably in his bed. He had been heavily bandaged several IVs in his arm. Not surprising for someone who had just gotten punched into next week by Yang Xiao Long,

"So tell me about my job." Raye said.

"Finally warming to the idea?" I asked, a thin smile on my lips.

"No, but I don't want to die either. Might as well deal with what I can."

"There is plenty to discuss." I said. "You will be dealing with all the visitors."

"Like who?"

"Hunters mostly from beacon." I said shrugging. "Like team RWBY, JNPR and CFVY"

"Oh." Raye said shrinking slightly. "Just to double check, I don't have to pay for damages right?" he asked chuckling.

I broke out into a sweat, I didn't want to tell him the wrong thing but I didn't have the paperwork!

The irony, when I don't want paperwork I have stacks of it, but when I need the paperwork it is nowhere to be found.

"Perhaps you should discuss the contractual stuff with Glynda. She has… a uh… degree in that sort of thing." I said quickly shifting my footing in an admittedly nervous fashion.

Raye, somehow, seemed to notice my discomfort. 'Glynda does the heavy lifting in your relationship?" he asked, raising and eyebrow and seemed amused with himself.

"We are not in a relationship." I respond quickly.

"Ok." He responds, dropping the subject.

The following uncomfortable silence is stifling. _Anything to stop this awkwardness, anything._ I think, shifting uncomfortably. It is then that I hear a sensual moan. Raye looks at me, jutting his thumb towards the connected room.

"In the nurses office?" He asks. I hide my face behind my hand, this was not how I wished to introduce him to Beacon Academy.

"How old are these kids?"

"Mostly above the age of consent."

"Mostly?"

"Don't ask…" I respond.

The sound of a creaking bed and the moaning get louder.

"Well when they are constantly risking their lives this shouldn't be much of a surprise." He said quickly an awkward smile on his face.

"…"

"This is awkward, can I please leave?"

"The room or Beacon?"

"The room." He responds quickly, clearly cutting his losses.

"Right this way." I say. Raye gets out of bed, his arm is in a sling and he has a slight limp. None of this stops him from bolting out the door. As a shriek comes from the next room over. It seems I was not the only professor to hear the… ah… commotion.

"Go Glynda!" I shout before leaving quickly, hedging my bets. She still needed to pay up for the Team CFVY bets. _Please let it be Blake and Yang, Please let it be Blake and Yang,_ I pray.

Turns out, it was not "Bumbleby" as we had been calling that betting pool. Ah well no winnings for me. Though Oobleck did win quite a bit off of Glynda. It seems there were betting pools even I didn't know about.

The next two weeks passed quite monotonously. Other than me having to make an incredibly awkward announcement for students to remain fully clothed outside of their rooms and then another to explain what I meant by "Fully clothed" thanks to Team CFVY's ingenuity, the next two weeks went smoothly. I actually had time to enjoy myself. By that I mean watch Raye get the stuffing beaten out of him by Ms. Xiao Long. He had yet to meet the rest of team RWBY but that would change in less than a day.

That lead up to the fateful meeting with Team RWBY and a new course on stealth and adaptive disguises (Please note that the original name of the brief class was "Blending in") Raye insisted on it after Yang commented she was ready to wreck a few clubs on earth.

The announcement of a new resort, as well as the inaugural visit by Team RWBY and Glynda, unsurprisingly, started several new betting pools. The first was how long it would take before Yang Xiao Long dragged her team to a club (I bet three hours, Glynda bet a day).

The next was whether Glynda would get drunk. I put 300 Lien on yes, Glynda put 1000 on no. Unbeknownst to her I also bet an extra 50 Lien on her trying to hook up with the Manager while she was drunk.

* * *

"Must have cried when you lost that one."

"Not really, I only lost 50 lien. Port was a wreck he lost half his savings on it."

"How many betting pools involve me?"

"On what subject?"

"Huh?"

"There's shipping, survival, first times and several other categories."

"That many?"

"Yes."

"Can I get in on some of them?"

"I might be able to pull some strings…" Ozpin said mischievously

"And what would I have to do?" Raye asked partially dreading the answer.

Ozpin leaned in and whispered into his ear. Raye stood bolt upright his face drained of color and expressing a mixture of horror and disgust.

"Nope, no way. That is…"

"Kinky?"

"I think depraved would be a better word." Raye deadpanned.

"Think about it, I already have 5000 lien riding on it."

"You need help." Raye said.

"She is a bombshell." Ozpin argued, eyes waggling.

Raye simply shook his head. He pointed at the computer "get back to the story." He said before walking out of the apartment. "Write anything above PG13 while I'm gone and you die a slow horrible death."

* * *

Anyway. There are plenty of other betting pools, maybe I will list a few of the more mild ones at the end of the chapter. But now back to what was going on with Raye.

He stood in my office pacing back and forth, Glynda drilling him on specific provisions of the contract he was about to sign. He was answering it all perfectly, somewhat surprising after three concussions in two weeks.

"Glynda, I think the boy understands what he's getting into."

"Threatened into more like." Glydna snarled. She had clearly not had a good time in the past week.

"We could always stop, not get the resort." I proposed jokingly. Raye stopped pacing and turned to look at me. I saw hope in his eyes.

"Of course that will mean Glynda, that you don't get any vacation time." I finished.

"No! I need out of here!" Glynda gasped horror at the very prospect of not getting away from beacon for a few days claiming whatever hold her conscious had over her.

Raye's face fell and his hope was carried away by a nevermore to feed its ravenous children.

"Let's get this over with." He said, approaching my desk.

On my desk was a pile of documents, all of which were his contract. If he signed at the dotted line he would officially be an employee of Beacon academy with all the rights and privileges such a position held.

The fact that he would also get a stipend of only ten lien a month was just a the case of me erasing few zeros before I printed the contract. Lowest academic salary ever!

Little did I know, the money I saved on his normally very large salary would mostly go towards repairing the apartment and doing some light remodeling. A large amount would also go towards bribing or threatening a variety of bureaucrats because someone (Glynda) didn't get the zoning changes completed in time.

"Now pleas ecut yoru finger, this must be signed in your own blood." I said in a grim voice.

Raye looked at me his eyes matching my gaze. "No." He said.

"When did you grow a spine?" Qrow asked as he walked in. Raye turned to look.

"Probably sometime after your niece ripped my actual spine out." He snarked.

"How are you standing then?" Qrow asked in all seriousness.

There was an awkward silence. Glynda groaned and Raye shook his head in disappointment.

"What? Did I miss something?" Qrow asked after a few seconds.

"Everything Qrow. Everything." Glynda muttered.

"So the gang's all here. Time to sign." I said quickly, trying to change the subject.

"Where's Salem? Isn't she part of this deal?" Raye asked.

I stiffened trying to find an excuse. Glynda gave me her signature glare.

"Ozpin, You did notify her right? She did say she wanted to be here."

"Well I may have…uh…"

Okay, in all honesty I did call Salem. I did call in that I did dial the number and press the call button, the fact that I immediately hung up without leaving a message shouldn't matter. It's not a lie, just omitting pertinent information right?

Right?

"You called but didn't leave a message didn't you?" Glynda asked me.

I bowed my head in shame. Generally she doesn't get as angry when I'm not grinning at her face.

Glynda sighed before quickly dialing Salem's number.

"Salem, It's Glynda, Raye's about to sign… Raye is the name we came up for the manager. Hiding his real name is… Well if he wants to tell you what it is he can… Salem, please don't argue just come."

"Okay!" Salem said in a creepily cheerful voice behind me.

For the second time in two weeks I almost jumped out of my skin. I spun my chair around to look at Salem. She was as creepy as ever, but at least seemed to be in a good mood.

"You are so easy to get the jump on Ozpin." She said walking round my desk and towards Raye.

"Hello." She said politely. Raye was clearly as unnerved as I was.

"Uh…ah… hello." He said shifting uncomfortably as he stood.

Salem turned to Glynda "You bought the building right?"

"Yes. We are currently going to use the empty apartments. There are four."

Salem rolled her eyes. "Just evict the current renters, It isn't that hard."

"It is much more difficult-"

"Then let me do it." Salem responded darkly.

"With all due respect… several other JET's live in that building, evicting them and not me would cause a lot of suspicion." Raye quickly pointed out.

Salem shrugged "That isn't my problem. My subordinates need space."

"Having the police investigate won't help, and the JET's contracted to those apartments are hired by the government." Raye argued. "That means a lot of problems with the government bureaucracy when you kick them out."

It was clear to my wise and experienced (not to mention brilliant) mind that Raye did not want to live alone amongst group of hunters. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why. It would be the safest apartment building he had ever been in!

The argument continued for a while, eventually Glynda promised to work it all out.

"Fine then. Remind me of the rules of our agreement." Salem commanded. Glynda opened her mouth "Ozpin.' Salem said turning to me.

"Well…" I began leaning slightly to look at Glynda. To her credit she immediately began to pantomime. I got the message.

" Raye is the manager, In effect he makes the rules and renders judgment on site." I began confidently. Another glance at Glynda gave me the next part "His job is to maintain the site and help those there relax. This is a second job for him so the guests are expected to behave."

Glynda began making an X with her arms. I squinted to try to understand what she was pantomiming something about a bear it seemed, maybe a sloth?

"Of course weapons are allowed, as the guests may need to defend themselves."

Raye slapped his own face as he went slackjawed.

"Damages will be paid by either you or me, depending on whose subordinates did the damage, if responsibility cannot be decided it will be paid by both of us."

Raye fiercely nodded. Maybe this wasn't so hard.

"The guests may do as they wish within legal boundaries. That means no killing or maiming, at the resort."

Raye gave a sigh of relief. Clearly I was getting this right.

"What about room designations?" Salem asked.

"up to the Manager." I responded calmly.

"And arbitration if necessary?"

"Again, up to Raye."

"If he is… biased?" Salem asked, a thin smile on her lips. I glanced at Glynda she shrugged. _Damnit Glynda! I need help here what use are you as a Personal Assistant er… Deputy headmistress_ if _you can't help me with a simple deal like this?_ I thought furiously, I mentally apologized when Glynda glared at me. I wondered if she was also a mind reader.

"Let's cross that bridge when we get there." I responded. Salem shrugged.

"Hypothetically, if one of my Subordinates was… attracted to the manager would there be a problem?"

It seems that there was more to that question than met the eye, as Glynda and Raye started to furiously nod. Raye was flailing. I nod and grin making mild gesture. he starts to panic getting on his knees and getting into a praying position. I chuckled to myself, they had clearly made a bet together that Raye would not get together with anyone, well, I certainly couldn't let them win that one, not when they were so obvious about it. The question was how to flip it on them without me getting sued for sexual harassment?

A thought came into my mind and I smiled.

"It's no problem at all, of course it's also not a problem as long as they're of age, same goes for the students at Beacon."

Salem looked a little surprised, Glynda was slamming her head into a wall and Raye was, and I am not joking, slamming his fists on the ground sobbing. I like to think they were tears of joy, Rather than "tears of frustration at my unenviable stupidity" (Glynda's words).

"Well, let's get this signed." Salem says. Raye took a few seconds to compose himself before walking over to my desk.

"Ozpin, I will have my revenge for that. I do not want nor need Yang Xiao Long thinking she can dodge out of things by flirting with me!" he hissed as he signed.

"I said it wasn't a problem if they were attracted to you." I argued. I never said they could attempt to seduce him but, if one thing led to another who was I to complain, with this, I could start new betting pools!

"Have you never heard of reading between the lines Ozpin?"

I shrugged. Raye groaned but sullenly wrote his name on the contract. Salem and I wrote ours below. It was binding and severe penalties were attached to breaking the rules in this contract. Of course, how to enforce those penalties were not something we had discussed.

Ah well there's time for that later.

Now as promised, several of the bets revolving around Raye, I will list the five most mild, as currently Raye is requesting to borrow Crescent Rose from Ruby for some reason. And since he tried to kill me (admittedly with a wooden stool LOL) less than an hour ago I think it is in my best interests not to list anything close to the one I whispered in his ear.

To note there are currently about 100 different bets open on Raye. If you want in simply email me with all your credit card info, Email password and (if American) Social security number at: OzpinRocksxxx .edu

* * *

1: Raye hooks up with a teacher from Beacon.

Bets)

Ozpin 1000 lien

Oobleck 700 lien

Port 1300 lien

2: Raye does not get a date

Glynda, 40 lien

Oobleck 300 lien

Yatsuhashi Daichi: 20 lien

3: Raye dies before the end of his second year.

Salem 400 Lien (I have notified salem that she loses the bet if any of her subordinates kill him, she ahs since tried to pull out of the bet)

Weiss Schnee 90 lien

Cradin Winchester 62 lien

4: Yang Xiao Long gives Raye and embarrassing nickname with a flirty double entendre (bet finished)

yes: Ozpin 3000 Lien

Jaune Arc 15 lien

No: Ruby Rose 10 cookies (I didn't know we could use those as bets)

Long XiaoYang 1500 Lien (I didn't know we had a student by that name I will have to look into that)

The No's won that one to everyone's surprise but Yang Xiao Long…

I really should have seen that one coming.

5: My personal favorite one that will definitely fail.

Raye X Cinder

No's.

Glynda 100 Lien

Ozpin 600 Lien

Port 500 Lien

Oobleck 700 Lien

Yes

Salem 600 Lien

Cinder 500 Lien

Mercury 300 lien (doubled down recently to 600 Lien)

Emerald 300 lien

That's all for now. Start betting! there is no cheating allowed unless you are a hunter, headmaster and your name is Ozpin. If it is please give me all your personal information so I can hunt you down, the only one allowed to cheat is me!

* * *

Authors note: So this came out a lot faster than I expected. And the chapter went so far off the outline, so quickly I ended up ignoring it. There is an omake at the bottom. For what happened in the nurses office. If you need more of the joke explained I obviously failed at making it even mildly amusing. Also that Email is not valid please don't send anything to it.

A lot of this Ozpin is inspired by Coeur Al'Aran's Professor Arc Ozpin and the Ozpin from Big brother Ozpin by Arrancon. They both are incredibly funny stories so please read them if you haven't already!.

Now for Review responses (YAY Reviews!)

hirshja: Huzzah! I glad you find it hilarious! Clearly I am doing something right in this insanity.

Dark holt : Your suggestion has been noted, and gave me A TON of good ideas. Props for that! We will see roman, perhaps later than desired, but he and Cinder are coming.

So here's my offer for you guys. If I get one new review in a chapter I will write an omake for that chapter. Content does not matter. Positive responses, constructive criticism, you name it I love reviews.

As this month's reward for TWO reviews I have set up a poll, it will help me decide the order for "who" writes the RWBY Chapters. Every member will get a turn but what do they do first? Bust up a club (and get arrested)? Buy a department store (and drive it into bankruptcy)? Raid a famous bakery (and once again, get arrested)? Or settle down in a bookstore (if only it were as calm as it sounded)? or something else entirely? leave your ideas in a review or PM me, Vote on who goes first in the poll.

My promise: No reviews? no problem! You will still get a chapter every month. Holding a fic ransom is cruel, and is something I refuse to do.

Next chapter is from Glynda. We'll be back in Japan, RWBY will be arriving and they are bringing two unexpected guests!

Now for the promised omake. I wonder why Glynda gave Oobleck money?

* * *

Omake:

"Yang this isn't going to get him back in the arena faster." Blake argued crossing her arms. She looked down at Yang struggling to connect the DVD player to the old, dusty hospital TV.

"A little TV helps everyone. Especially with what I am going to show him!" Yang said with a smile and a waggle of her eyebrows.

"And what are you going to show him?" Blake asked.

"Well, since I almost beat the crap out of him a few minutes ago he must be extremely stressed."

"So?"

"So what is something at helps people relax after a lot of stress?"

"Books?" Blake hazarded a guess.

"No Blake, something more important. More dramatic." Yang said waving her arms.

"Action movies are not relaxing yang." Blake said.

"I know that!"

"You only have action movies. So if your not making him watch an action movie what are you making him watch?"

"Something I found." Yang says vaguely.

"Where?" Blake asks apprehensively as she watches Yang put a DVD into the player and then begin playing it on the TV. Yang maxed out the sound.

Blake almost shrieked as she saw the opening Title:

Ninjas of Love: triple X edition

"Yang! You took that from my-" She couldn't finish her sentence as Yang placed her hand over Blake's mouth. Blake struggled to get away tripping over her own feet in her fury.

"Shh kitty-cat, It's not a big deal." Blake snatched the TV remote.

"I won't let you do this to him! He doesn't need to be traumatized." She hissed, backing towards the bed. Yang smiled.

"I need that remote!" She said, tackling Blake and pinning her onto the Hospital bed. They struggled over the remote, ignoring the moans coming from the TV. They scrambled over the Remote long enough to ignore Professor Oobleck and Glynda Goodwitch walk by.

"What is going on?" Glynda shrieked. Blake and Yang froze. Yang was on top of Blake, on a hospital bed; their clothes and hair messy. Both were sweating from attempting to grab the remote and in the background was a full on Porn movie.

"Research for Health class?" Yang suggested weakly.

""Exceptional! Research is the most critical part of academia! Please do continue!" Came an excited voice from behind Glynda. Then he turned to a red faced, apparently unhinged looking Glynda. "I told you the health class would inspire more research. Pay up."

Glynda's scream could be heard throughout Beacon.

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4: Glynda gets drunk

Author's note: As I'm sure some know, Japanese has three writing forms, Hiragana, katakana and kanji. For the benefit of foreigners there is also romanji, basically the Japanese language in roman characters.

Unfortunately, it is not necessarily written as it would be pronounced in Japanese, but rather how the individual characters would sound. For example ですis written in romanji as desu, but is pronounced more like dess.

I have written the Japanese in how I think it would be pronounced rather than how it would be transcribed in Romanji unless the change could cause confusion (i.e. Hai meaning yes vs Hi meaning hello). If you love it or hate it please tell me. I did it because I thought it would help, if it doesn't, I won't.

also, sorry for the excessive length, I wanted to get the serious(ish) stuff out of the way.

With that out of the way onto the story!

* * *

Hello, Welcome to the newest installment in this report about a human who just happened to be from Earth and who had run into the unfortunate situation of Meeting up with Qrow, Salem, Ozpin and I, Glynda Goodwitch.

His circumstances were not clear to us at the time when we began our endeavor to force him into becoming the manager for our new resort, nor were they clear when Ozpin forced him to sign a contract and implicitly approved of the chance of sexual harassment by a multitude of huntresses, Some known flirts others who were already in relationships and a few who… well… their situations were unusual. But more on that at a later point. It is my duty in this chapter to elucidate you, the readers, on the immense amount of preparations that went into opening the resort. The fact that we only had 72 hours before team RWBY was intended to arrive made the, as Raye calls it, "Crunch" more stressful.

I will admit that I was, at least in part, to blame for some of the situations.

* * *

"Some?"

"Yes Raye some, you did not have to lie to your colleagues when you went back to work."

"Yes, and saying I went to another dimension based off a web series is so believable."

"I could have happily explained it to them."

"Glynda, You in the workplace would have been a disaster."

"How so? Besides, better that than claiming to go to Laos, and then claiming your wallet was stolen so you couldn't buy them Oniyagi ."

" _Omiya-ge_ Glynda, It is an important tradition in Japan."

"I still don't understand why I couldn't, and still can't, go into your office."

"Glynda, two months ago, you proclaimed Kanji to be, and I quote, illegible gibberish."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You said it in front of my supervisor, who came to check that I was okay, who then demanded me to translate your comment."

"So, he is a little displeased with me. How is that a problem for you?"

"No Glynda, he was displeased with _me_. When you say that kind of stuff, I get blamed."

"That makes no sense, perhaps I should go and-"

"I think you should get back to writing the story Glynda. This conversation is distracting."

* * *

Well needless to say, there were several situations where I may have made some of the problems worse. But of course, I had only the best intentions. Fortunately, most of those problems came after team RWBY arrived and so they are not part of this entry. On the other hand you will have to deal with yang Xiao Long;s horrible writing, Weiss Schnee's dreadful prose, The scatterbrained Ruby Rose, as well as Blake Belladonna, who is at least competent with the written word ( I have confiscated enough books distributed by her to know that to be the case)

Two weeks after Raye had come to Beacon, Raye and I left. Ozpin had insisted on staying behind, Salem had promised to send money for her subordinates rooms and Qrow had been in an alcohol induced coma (he presumably got better since he was able to write a chapter of this).

I placed my hand on Raye's shoulder.

"Are you ready?" I asked. Raye breathed deeply before exhaling.

"Yeah." He replied calmly.

With barely a thought I initiated the process for transporting us back to Earth. It was a complicated project and not for the unskilled. Fortunately I am not unskilled at wielding glyphs and ancient runes, both of which were necessary.

But enough of that. We arrived back where we left, in Raye's messy little apartment. The first thing Raye did was rush to the bathroom. He threw open the door and bent over the toilet. I cocked an eyebrow, most people did not react so… strongly to transport. The only other person who had vomited was Qrow, and he had been dinking heavily for half a day. That was when we first came to Raye's apartment. Come to think of it, Qrow had vomited in a trashcan.

I made a mental note to have the area disinfected, vomit sitting in a trashcan for two weeks would not be the most inviting of scents. Nor would Raye likely appreciate it. I fully expected warm baths every morning, but I would also not force him to live in a pigsty.

A few minutes into his retching, he seemed to calm down slightly. No longer fearing that his entire stomach may come up, I started to studiously observe my environment.

* * *

"You mean rifle through all my things."

"It is of the utmost importance that you are at least capable of taking care of yourself. I simply needed to confirm that."

"Picking through my underwear drawer doesn't show whether I am capable of taking care of myself."

"Clean underwear, clean people."

" _Right_." Raye replied sarcastically.

* * *

The first thing I looked through was his desk. To put it gently, it was a mess. The desk was a deep black, likely a dark varnish. There were three drawers in total two rather small ones stacked on top of a larger one. The first drawer was, for lack of a better word, horrifying. To the average slob it would have looked clean. A few things stacked on top of each other. A tin containing blank postcards, a few cords wrapped together and some blank sheets of paper on the bottom. What made it a mess was the fact that the back was crammed with receipts. Clearly he did not organize frequently, and this was the top drawer the one he presumably would have used the most frequently.

I quickly shut the drawer and open the second drawer. I was wary of this drawer; it had several nails hammered into it, as well as a screw. Something had happened to this drawer, was it booby-trapped? As a huntress I could presumably avoid any trap a civilian threw at me, but I did not know much about Earth at the time, the danger of a unexpected explosion was very real.

It was worse than I could have possibly expected. While there was no booby trap, here were more nails hammered into the drawer on the inside. I could barely tell what the drawer contained, garbage from the looks of it. There were old wrappers, scrunched up letters, the occasional pen and something that looked like an unopened candy bar inside. I was quite put-off by this drawer, I could feel the flashbacks to Ozpin's first office coming back. The times before I made sure to have someone clean it three times a day. The fury, the rage, the desire to rend things limb from limb. I knew exactly what I had to do, I had to get away from this mess!

I slammed it shut in a desperate attempt to hide the mess from my vision. In a cruel twist of fate, the drawer couldn't handle to force and the front, held on by a mix of screws, nails and copious amount of rubber cement fell off, bouncing across the floor. The vast torrent of paper and trash could not be held back and spilled forth into the room, covering the wooden flooring with the contents of said drawer.

In all fairness. what happened next was an overreaction on my part, I cannot stand a mess. But in my defense, I made the apartment much cleaner, and replaced the destroyed items.

In my pure fury, I knew only one thing: the mess had to go. I waved my wand, intending to deftly fling the pile of papers out of the room. It was likely that some of them would be important, but he shouldn't have left them in a messy drawer to begin with.

Unfortunately for me, my telekinesis is affected by my mental state. Usually when dealing with the antics of several young huntresses, this isn't too much of a problem. Huntresses can be expected to be messy. The undying fury when I confront a mess such as this one, completely unexpectedly, is a different matter.

Thus instead of picking up the messy pile of papers, my telekinesis grasped something far larger. I only realized my mistake when I flung my riding crop, targeting the small open window at the far end of the apartment. It overlooked a small porch, from which hung a variety of clotheslines and clothes, now dirty from the ash of a nearby volcano. Porch was separated from the apartment by a glass, sliding door which was designed as large window.

Imagine my surprise as the entire desk went flying, smashing through a sliding door, striking TV, an unfortunate wall, then shattering with the broken remains flying through the glass wall. The desk, deciding that this amount of destruction was not enough smashed into and rolled over the patio railing tumbling onto a car with the wrenching sound of metal and broken glass.

For several moments I could only watch in horror at the mess I had caused. The blaring of what I would eventually learn was a car alarm continued. I stood in a daze as I stared at the remains of the sliding glass door, the ruined TV and the rest of the mess that had followed.

Finally, I started my breathing exercises, trying to calm down to explain to Raye what had happened like a reasonable, _respectable_ adult. It was all an accident after all; I'm sure any sane person would understand.

I turned as I heard the door to the bathroom open; Ray stumbled out, looking much worse than he had before he emptied the contents of his stomach. He looked at me. Steadying himself with a shoulder resting on the wall.

"What the hell was that Glynda?" Raye asked weakly.

"I am terribly sorry! I saw a mess, and I may have overreacted." I said stepping out of the way of his view, to let him see the destruction I unintentionally wrought. For a few moments, I saw no reaction. It seemed he was absorbing the fact that his apartment was no longer defended from the elements.

"Raye?" I asked. His head spun and he looked at me for only a second. A flash of anger streaked across his face before vanishing. He stumbled into the newly-open air room. He crouched towards a pile of black plastic before glancing at the TV. He gingerly lifted the TV. A sound like a hiss told me that the worst had indeed happened. He turned to me.

'Glynda, What possessed you to kill my TV?" he asked, his voice calm.

"I can't handle messes." I explained, relaxing as I deduced he was not angry. He was taking this rather well.

"So you presumably," he began pointing at where his desk had been. "Throw my desk through a door, demolish my TV," he stood and walked towards the sliding door, his eyes scanning for glass shards "Then let it fly through a glass door before…" he glanced over the side of his balcony "tangling half my clothes in what remains of the desk and letting it fall on someone's car?" he finished calmly.

I nodded. _He took this spectacularly well; maybe he's still in shock?_ I thought gently.

"At what point did you decide to murder my Xbox?" he asked, the calm façade cracking slightly.

At this point I swore, realizing this is what some people called Tranquil Fury.

* * *

"And that is why I now have a fifty inch flatscreen, a new desk, chairs and a new Xbox." Raye said cheerfully.

'It's also why Ozpin immediately told Team RWBY their weapons were not allowed in your apartment."

'I like to think I got a point across."

"Yes, a four thousand dollar point."

'You're just envious you can't do the same." Raye responded.

Glynda glared. Raye shrugged

'Your glares don't work on me." He boasted.

As a response Glynda flicked her Riding crop, Raye flew into the ceiling with a off before crashing back on the ground.

"But that does." She snarked before turning back to writing.

* * *

To avoid the profanity laden, cursing episode that followed I will note that never in my time as a teacher, do I believe I have instilled as much fear in a single person as Raye did to me that day. Oddly enough, after promising repayments and repairs, he calmed down somewhat. After noting that I couldn't repair the window immediately, it got worse again.

While he used words much worse than dolt, the outburst helped me see why exactly, Ms. Rose and Ms. Schnee did not originally enjoy each other's company, (how they do now is beyond me) however, I'm glad it worked out. They make a good team.

After about an hour of this Raye calmed down enough that we agreed that he needed to go to the store to get something to cover the broken glass door and window. I would remain to clean up the shards. He insisted that under no circumstances was I to leave the building, preferably not even the apartment. Further noting that under no circumstances should I "pull a Qrow" (Whatever that meant) With that he picked up his wallet and after writing down his phone number on a sheet of scrap paper, left the apartment.

* * *

"And now they learn what happens when you don't listen to me."

"It is not my fault you did not have a spare phone. is it my fault that your phone does not run on the same frequency as scrolls? No. And lastly how was I supposed to know what "pulling a Qrow" was?"

"And Ozpin couldn't have told me about the scroll thingy before?"

"Ozpin?" Glynda asked, cocking an eyebrow

"Or you?" Raye added hastily.

"I didn't know. I had no need to. I was just a guest."

"The most destructive one up to that point."

"I was the only one up to that point."

"Touché"

* * *

I remained inside the apartment, rapidly cleaning most of the mess I had made. I repaired the wall with ease, but lacking the technical knowledge to repair neither the TV nor the Xbox as well as lacking the material to repair the glass window, there was little else I could do but sit. I sat on Raye's fold out bed. It was in its sofa form. I skimmed through several books. There were a variety of books including The Great Gatsby (about some overly wealthy fool with a writer as the narrator), A book called Orientalism (which seemed to discuss the state of the Middle East wherever that was), as well as many others, he had an eclectic taste in books. It was apparent he had at least skimmed all of them as several pages were dog-eared. His bedroom/ living room was better kept than his desk. A narrow bookcase shoved up against one wall, The remains of a TV stand lay next to it, as did a desk of drawers, inside which were the remainder of his clothes. I continued to examine the room for some time, there was little of interest, it seemed like he had just moved in.

* * *

"I was there for nearly six months!" Raye exclaimed

"It certainly didn't look that way!" Glynda retorted.

* * *

Possibly the most anying part of all was that the car alarm was still blaring outside. He glanced out the window to see the remains of the desk embedded in the car. Deciding that whatever I did would not make the situation worse, I flung my the car into the distance. Where it landed is beyond me, but then, as Ozpin says, Ignorance is bliss.

Anyway, I was brought from my investigation, by a hammering on Raye's front door. Almost instinctively I walked towards the door and peered through the peak hole. Shocking white hair greeted me, as did a pair of ice blue eyes. I turned and walked back towards the couch. The hammering continued for several more minutes, before subsiding. I grinned, I made a note to inform Raye that he had yet another unwelcome guest on the premises.

Unfortunately for me that was only the beginning of my trouble. No sooner had I decided to take a nap on the somewhat uncomfortable sofa, that Qrow appeared.

"Not doing that again!" he hissed, rushing to the bathroom. I groaned, this seemed to be becoming a running lag.

* * *

"Gag Glynda, A running gag."

"Does that really matter?"

"We are posting this on the internet, the land of pop culture and memes. Yes it matters."

"Than why am I doing this? I don't care about pop culture!" Glynda exclaimed throwing her arms in the air."

"You wanted to give an accurate assessment of your freak-out." Raye replied.

"I have done that."

"For your first freak out, the minor one, or did you somehow erase the _other_ one from your mind?"

Glynda paled. "I never intended to mention that."

"Would you like to write it, or should I get Qrow to?" Raye threatened. He was not in a forgiving mood after being smashed into a plaster ceiling.

"You don't have it in you! You know what he would do." Glynda warned. Raye raised a finger.

"I live in the same apartment building as Yang Xiao Long."

Another finger, "I have a Schnee as a next door neighbor, Thirdly, I have to deal with Salem and Ozpin as bosses." He said as he raised yet another finger.

A long list later and Gynda was hanging her head.

"I'll do it." She said glumly.

"That's a _good witch_." Raye said with a smug smile.

Needless to say a few moments later he was flying through a wall.

"I am the queen of puns! You can't take my puns!" Yang shouted, having kicked Raye into an adjacent apartment before Glynda could do the same.

"Thank you Ms. Xiao Long." Glynda said with a smug smile.

"No prob Prof. He still needs to learn to DODGE!" She screamed the last word through the wall. "What-chya doing?" She asked, hands on her hips.

"Writing about the preparations for team RWBY's arrival."

"And our unexpected guests."

"Among other things. Now leave."

"I'll see it on the net."

"Long after I have accepted and dealt with the shame of having to write this chapter." Glynda replied. Yang left in a huff. Raye had wandered back in.

"You have to pay for damages you know." He said a hint of annoyance in his voice. Plaster dripped form his hair, but otherwise he seemed unharmed. Thank goodness the JET in the room he had been unceremoniously propelled into was gone, that would have taken some explanation.

'Worth every penny." Glynda responded. The last thing she needed was another Yang Xiao Long. She amounted the damages to a worthy cost for the classical conditioning Raye was getting.

* * *

A few minutes later, Qrow had pulled himself together, and was now sitting on a stool, once again stealing what little alcohol Raye had. Having hunted through the cabinets and finding nothing. Qrow had stumbled upon a bottle of Gin in the freezer, and was currently cutting the light blue liquid with some tap water.

"You know you are supposed to use tonic water with that." I pointed out.

"You know you aren't supposed to be destroying the kids apartment right?" Qrow replied, glancing at the devastation. I gently cursed; he would have a field day with this.

"But enough of that." He said downing an entire glass of the alcoholic mixture. "I'm here to drop off a scroll for the kid." Qrow pulled out a scroll. The color was different from the usual paint scheme, this one being a royal blue with red highlights. He placed it gently on the table. "Ozpin had the foresight to insure it, even though it was advertised as indestructible. I guess people take that as a challenge." He mumbled.

I picked up the scroll and quickly swapped contact information. As a guest, having access to the manager 24/7 would be a great benefit.

"So how's it going?" Qrow asked, a lopsided grin on his face. I picked up a glass for myself and filled it with gin. I stared at the liquid for a moment before downing the whole thing, the burning sensation reminding me why I didn't drink anything but wine.

"That bad eh?"

"I destroyed the poor boy's apartment. I killed his TV and then smashed his Xbox." I said, filling the cup with yet another glassful of gin. I downed that one quickly as well. _minty_ I thought, the burning wasn't so bad the second time.

"Maybe you should take it easy Glynda." Qrow cautioned, apparently fearing my drunken fury. "Gin is pretty strong stuff."

"I can hold my liquor Qrow." I said I strode back over to my seat, carrying the gin bottle along with me. I plopped back down on the sofa and placed the gin bottle on the coffee table.

"I feel the worst about the Xbox." I admitted.

"Why?" Qrow asked. "It isn't like it was life support, you can just buy another."

"But until we do, he has no source of stress relief. He doesn't seem to have a girlfriend, and who knows if his computer was in that desk." The very thought made me groan. If I had destroyed that boy's computer as well, I had no doubt that I would be immediately banned from the resort, and there would go my last vacation spot; my last safe haven from Ozpin.

Qrow and I discussed nonsensical topics, and in general had a fairly good time. We kept it completely professional of course, layouts of upcoming plans and strategies for dealing with specific inevitabilities both on Earth and Remnant.

* * *

"I recall Qrow saying he did all the talking, you mainly drank yourself under the table."

"You recall wrong, I was completely sober."

"When I got back you were drinking gin straight from the bottle."

"There wasn't much left."

"Glynda, there was three fourths of a bottle in the fridge when I left. When I came back, I had Qrow asking me to get some more because you were about to finish the bottle."

"That is a total exaggeration."

"He took pics using my scroll. I have photographic proof."

Glynda froze, "he did what?" She hissed giving Raye a glare.

" He took _a lot_ of pictures. I deleted most of them, only one of you chugging gin and a very suggestive selfie are left."

"You have a potentially inappropriate picture of me on your phone?" Glynda asked her voice rising in pitch.

"No. I got rid of those, all of those. You are just giving Qrow a kiss on the cheek." Raye said, showing her the pic.

Much to her regret she recalled that picture. Qrow was grinning like an idiot and she was kissing him on the cheek, her arms wrapped around his neck. Her glasses were gone and her hair undone.

She quickly snatched the phone and deleted the picture.

"I have backups Glynda, what good is potential blackmail without a backup plan?"

"I have deep concerns about your moral compass."

"I have grave concerns about your criminal activities. Roman looks like a petty thief compared to you."

"Are you calling me a criminal?" Glynda asked.

'Nope! I uh… Shutting up now." Raye said. He made an excuse and quite literally fled the apartment.

Glynda cracked her neck, "that's what I thought." She said with a smug smile, getting back to writing.

* * *

So, perhaps things descended into the normal drunken banter after awhile. I don't really remember anything after the fifth glass of gin. Most of it was told to me by others, predictably exaggerated (I would never threaten a store clerk for not speaking English, and would certainly never take all his fried chicken as Punishment). Although the fact remains that it would explain why I am not allowed in half the stores in a two block radius. I like to think they are just scared of my imposing look and personality.

Qrow however, insists I went on a bing drinking scandal at five in the evening and continued until he could drag my unconscious body back at somewhere near seven.

Somewhat fortunately, Raye arrived near seven-fifteen, with groceries, several new pieces of dinnerware, another futon, and some new clothes. He hadn't purchased anything for me yet, so the next day would be a trial for its own reasons.

According to Qrow (I have no recollection of this), I woke up as Raye had finished cooking dinner. A simple rice dish with salmon in a bourbon and soy based sauce. According to Qrow, Raye is a decent, if somewhat uninspiring cook. I wandered over to the small table where Raye was placing the dishes full of food. I snatched two bowls full of rice and fish, wandered back to the sofa, Shoved the food down my throat and then promptly went back to sleep.

In general I would argue that I would never do something so ill-mannered, especially not as a guest, but it does explain why my blouse smelled of Bourbon and soy sauce when I awoke the next day, it also explains why Raye looked especially displeased, according to him, he hadn't had dinner the night before.

* * *

"I supposed that is why Raye forbids Qrow from buying gin, ever." A voice said over Glynda's shoulder. She turns her gaze to the Schnee heiress behind her. Her hair tied in an off center ponytail. She is dressed in a combat skirt, unusual for the resort.

"Ms. Schnee, what can I do for you?" Glynda asked in a cold voice. Annoyed that someone was reading over her shoulder

"I was just coming to inform you that Ozpin has been trying to get in contact with you. He said last weeks damages were quite severe and you aren't picking up your scroll." Weiss replied calmly, apparently ignoring Glynda's tone.

"Thank you very much, I will get on that when I am finished here." She said falsely.

"Very well." Weiss said before walking off.

"How many people have access to this apartment?" Glynda asked, wondering if Raye kept his apartment unlocked at all times. She could have sworn he locked it on his way out.

* * *

To get back to the story the next day began rather early. It was a Sunday, generally this would be a cause for good cheer, as I did not work on Sundays. This Sunday however, I woke up with a splitting headache. I rubbed my head wondering what happened the night before.

Qrow was nowhere to be seen, but Raye was sleeping in a chair, or at the very least, looked like he was trying to sleep. He had a foul expression on his face, his eyes were bloodshot and he had deep bags under his eyes.

"What happened?"

"you drank a lot."

"That's unlikely."

'Yesterday I would have agreed." Raye replied sharply. He rubbed his eyes "Sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep, you kinda took my only bed." He said pointing at the sofa. I glanced down and noticed that the sofa had become a fold out bed, clearly something had happened since I distinctly recalled going to bed on a sofa.

'For all the hell Qrow puts you through, he clearly cares about you." Raye commented. "Thank him later."

I rolled my eyes. Although I was impressed that Raye is giving Qrow credit for anything. _He probably doesn't want a full blown fight in his apartment_. I thought quickly.

"Did you bring a change of clothes?" He asked.

I shook my head "presumed that clothing styles would be different here. Bringing extra clothes would have been a waste. I do have money to buy clothes though."

'how did you get ahold of Yen?" Raye asked.

I looked at him blankly before realizing what he was asking. "Ozpin gave me a pack of money." I said pulling out a crumpled envelope, fortunately I still had it on me.

"It is Yen right?"

I quickly opened it up to see the bright yellow banknotes. I hiss in horror.

"Please tell me it's U.S. dollars?" he asks. I look at him. "Yuan? Rubles? Euros?" he asks desperately. I shake my head.

"Damn Ozpin." I muttered yanking out the banknotes. there was easily five thousand Lien in the pile. There is a small sticky note attached which I then plucked it off the first banknote.

"Compensation for Expenses related to Glynda Goodwitch." I read out loud.

Raye swore before holding his head in his hands.

"For what it's worth I'm sorry. This was not how I planed for things to go." I said, actually sorry for this turn of events. I had expected a calm vacation, instead I had dumped all the stress onto a man who would have been torn to shreds by a simple beowolf.

"Nevermind, let's get to the ATM. I'll grab some money so you can buy some clothes." Raye said.

And ATM trip and a short walk later we were at a nearby department store. I look at the title of the store.

"Uni-Qlo?" I ask. The store is long and wide, in the basement of a mall, tile floors shine and rack upon rack of clothes are everywhere.

"It's sort of a discount clothes store. This is japan though, so try stuff in until you find something that fits." He says, handing me a wad of cash. The tan banknotes each have 10,000 written on them. Clearly the five of these which he handed me can purchase a large amount of clothes.

'that's five man." He said pronouncing man like mah-n rather than man (I would later find out it meant ten thousand). "roughly five hundred dollars. The rainy season is coming up, but umbrellas are cheap so don't get a rain jacket. Also, don't worry about heavy clothes this place is boiling in the summer months." He said. 'I'll be in the guys section, replacing what clothes I lost." He explained pointing to a distant section near the back of the store. I nodded.

"Thank you, I will make sure to pay you back." I promise, realizing that Lien, regardless of how much, is more or less worthless in this world.

I wander around the women's section, trying to decide what to purchase. Do I pursue something casual? Jeans perhaps? Or maintain my air of formality and look for something similar to what I am wearing? I eventually decide to find out if any of these clothes fit me first.

It was a lucky moment when I found something that did fit. At six feet three inches, there was very little that fit my height Jeans would be left above my ankles most of the time, and I ended up pursuing the largest sizes in shirts for… specific reasons.

As I wandered through the aisles picking up a variety of clothing I wished that I had been allowed to bring my riding crop, I could levitate these clothes with ease. Instead I had to precariously balance them in the crook of my arm. Not an easy feat in lady-stilts- er I mean heels.

Eventually I did persevere. And wandered over to the changing room. I then went about trying on a variety of different clothes. Including jeans, skirts, blouses, dresses and much more. Very little of what I brought in actually fit so were simply too small, others too short, some just too revealing for my taste (I would later find out that My opinion on the matter coincided with the Japanese opinion in the city. Yang Xiaolong would not be happy, neither would Blake Belladonna).

I walked out with two pairs of dark jeans, a pair of black khakis and several white shirts and blouses. Undergarments, shoes and socks I could bring back from remnant. I dropped them on the counter in front of the cashier.

"Anata wa sega-takai des neh. Amerikajeen des ka?" The cashier said, smiling.

I blinked, uncertain what to do with whatever gibberish she was spouting. Amerikajeen? Maybe something about the jeans I was buying? I gently nodded.

"Sue goy!" She exclaimed. She gently picked up and started to ring my items, she calculated the cost. "yon mahn rope piyakuu san juu ni en des yo." She said, an open palm directing me to a small metal tray on the counter. I dropped the money Raye had given me on the counter, hoping I would get change.

"hai! Arigato gozaimashta!" She said cheerfully. The cashier nodded as she handed me the bag.

"Thank you." I said. Before snatching the bag and hastily leaving the store.

At this point I realized that I did not know where Raye was. I glanced around, using my hunter instincts to find the man who didn't, (not to sound racist) look similar to everyone else. Needless to say, I didn't find him. He found me.

"Glynda!" A voice behind me said. I turned slowly, behind me was, unsurprisingly Raye. He was carrying a single bag. He held out a hand, clearly offering to carry a bag of mine. I handed him two of my five bags, muttering "thank you" quickly.

He nodded. "We still have to get beds for everyone the shop is across the street." He explained. I nodded and followed him to the department store across the street.

Fifteen minute later we were struggling to carry five futons down the escalator of a department store.

"What are these exactly?" I asked staring at what seemed to be a thick blanket and a mattress sized, under-stuffed pillow wrapped together in plastic.

'It is a futon. Basically a Japanese mattress. Their useful, especially since you can shove 'em in a closet when you get up."

'Don't we need bedspreads? Sheets? A structure to place them on?"

Raye shrugged. "Sheets we can get next, but we have to drag this stuff back to the apartments first."

'This doesn't look very comfortable." I pointed out imagining sleeping on a futon on the floor. There was no back support, I might as well have slept in a sleeping bag."

"Well, you can always buy yourself a bed. But these things are expensive and currently I am spending my savings on this." Raye replied pointedly.

I blushed in embarrassment. Ozpin could have given him something worthwhile. Equipment, resources proprietary rights to some invention, really anything but lien would have been worth something in this world.

"I will talk to Ozpin about an actual reimbursement when we get back." I promised Raye.

He chuckled, he clearly didn't like my chances. But then again, he didn't know what I had on Ozpin.

Raye paid quickly, quickly confirming some things in Japanese before handing over several large bills. The cost was something in the range of sixty thousand yen, no small sum, which Raye quickly noted he couldn't afford to do again.

* * *

"I still expect repayment on that." Raye said.

Glynda bolted upright and practically leaped out of the chair. "Four maidens!" She swore, spinning to look at Raye. How did you get in?

"It's my apartment."

"But the lock-"

"Ozpin was too cheap to replace it after Yang bashed the door down."

"So that's why they come and go as they wish."

"Yeah. It's crazy. You almost finished?" Raye asked pointing at the computer.

"Haven't decided."

"Team RWBY is demanding their turn to write. I'd hurry up if I were you."

"They will wait." Glynda replied a glare on her face.

Raye grinned slightly but walked away without responding, he opened the fridge and pulled out a pile of food, clearly starting to prepare a meal.

'What's for dinner tonight?"

"Italian sausage caccitore with crème brulee for dessert." Raye said. Glynda furrowed her brow in surprise and concern. Something bothered her about that statement.

'I thought we were having American food." Glynda muttered before realizing what so bothered her about Raye's response "How did you get sausage?"

'Ozpin."

"Really?" Glynda asked, skeptical of Ozpin's ability to discern sausage from a hotdog.

"Yep." Raye said briefly, reluctant to elaborate on how he got his food.

"Why sausage?"

"Yang demanded hotdogs." Raye responded non-plussed by Ozpin's colossal failure. _Typical Ozpin._ Glynda thought.

'She'll kill you if you claim that's a hotdog."

'That is why we are having Italian food rather than hotdogs. She'll beat the crap out of me for not getting her what she wanted rather than murder me for lying." Raye replied, slicing onions with practiced ease.

"Can't argue with that logic."

"After a year you learn a thing or two. Finish the chapter, I need something to do when Yang breaks both my legs." Raye replied, continuing his work.

* * *

Back to the story.

Having purchased several items that were allegedly beds, we returned to the apartment building. Raye walked up the cement staircase with practiced ease. My arms had a comfortable heat in tem from carrying bags of clothes, futons and a variety of foodstuffs for tonight's dinner.

Raye opened the door to his floor and paused a groan passing from his lips.

"you've gotta be kidding me." He muttered I race dup behind him.

'What is it? Grimm? Salem? Ozpin?" I paused trying to think of something worse than Ozpin, I remained silent, giving up.

"Worse probably." He said pointing at several people in front of his door. Looking closely a let out a groan. This was only going to get worse.

Standing on the second floor were six people who I immediately recognized. There was team RWBY. All dressed in their traditional hunter gear and with their weapons. And then there were two others. Neither of who were expected so early. One of who was not expected _at all_. I then remembered the night before. And groaned all over again.

Yang turned to look at us. "Hey there!" She said cheerfully waving her hand. "We brought some extra guests!"

"Well this'll go well." Raye groaned, planting a smile on his face as he walked up and introduced himself to the remaining members of team RWBY. He then turned and looked ta the two unexpected arrivals.

"You are Roman Torchwick." He said pointing to the ginger haired man carrying his signature cane he then turned to the other. "And you, are Winter Schnee." He said. Both were surprised by his knowledge of them. But the surprise quickly vanished as Torchwick laughed.

"Damn kiddo, you have some information network!"

"Clearly not, or he would have known I was outside since last night." Winter retorted.

"Well, let's get this all worked out. Glynda was just getting the finishing touches organized." Raye said with a small grin he turned to me and glared frostily, the unspoken question clearly understood. _Why didn't you tell me?_ He asked.

He ushered them into his apartment, holding the door open for all of them. I walked through last. Dropping the futons inside.

"please sit everyone." Raye said gently. Team RWBY sat on the couch, while Winter sat at the desk chair I and Torchwick sat on stools Raye remained standing.

'First rule. No killing." He began, getting a huff out of Torchwick.

"Second rule, no property destruction. Third rule, no stray animals." At this Ruby's hand shot up. She held the other arm protectively around her backpack.

"Yes?" Raye asked

"Are pets allowed?" She asked quickly. "Because we'd really like to bring our dog."

"The apartment has rules against animals. So no, currently pets are not allowed." Raye said calmly

Then, Ruby's backpack shook. Raye cocked an eyebrow. "You wouldn't have happened to bring your dog would you?" he asked.

'Bring Zwei? Rubes would never do that without permission!" Yang said quickly. As if on queue, Zwei the dog's head popped out of the backpack, his adorable tongue sticking out as he panted gently.

"Rubes!" Yang shouted downcast at their plan's failure. Raye rubbed the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed.

"Get back in the bag!" Ruby hissed

"What have I gotten myself into?" he asked.

Torchwick chuckled. "This'll be fun." He said.

" Relax Raye, we'll start this off with a yang!" Yang attempted with the poor pun simply dampening Raye's mood further.

"Glynda, a little help." He pleaded. At this I smiled. Feeling I had helped enough for the day I gave a little shrug.

"Sorry Raye, I'm on vacation." I replied to laughter from all but Raye.

Sometimes, if you can't beat em, join em.

* * *

So Plot! yay. There is a poll on my page for who writes the next entry! It's been up for awhile and will be coming down next Saturday so that I can actually start writing!

Ok have a great week!

* * *

Omake:

Raye sat in a wooden chair at the Board of Education. He was rubbing his face. Ozpin face was on the computer monitor. He was smiling slightly. Evidence that he had no remorse for his actions.

"Let me get this straight Ozpin. You thought it would be a good idea to persuade the Board of Education to allow huntresses in training to be substitute teachers?"

"Only those who've have adapted somewhat. It would continue their education and remind them the kind of people they are fighting for." Ozpin explained casually.

"How did you even get the Board to approve that?"

Ozpin drank coffee from his cup, refusing to respond.

"On second thought I don't want to know. I think I will just list the damages."

'Yang has destroyed three walls and put two adults in the hospital."

'They did make sexual comments about her." Ozpin pointed out. Raye nodded.

'Fair enough. But Weiss has frozen a pool, trapping children inside, Blake has caused a book bill increase of over 300% at two school libraries, Ruby has destroyed a kitchen."

"You can't make an omelet without breaking few eggs."

"She was trying to make chocolate chip cookies from an instant mix. The just-add-water kind."

"Well I'm sure she learned something about kitchen safety."

"And probably about why bringing a war scythe into a kitchen is a bad idea." Raye replied.

"And then there is Glynda" Raye continued, his voice growing increasingly desperate.

'She substituted the day you were sick right?"

"Yes. One day. ONE."

"What happened?" Ozpin asked warily preparing for the worst.

"Other than the fact that students are currently designing weaponry, making rifle rounds and have suddenly mastered karate from what appears to be one English class?"

'Yes."

'Well someone caught it on camera, posted it to Youtube and now it has become a big international incident. Glynda's request to add combat training the curriculum was proposed in the Japanese diet."

Ozpin cocked a brow skeptical of Raye's claims. "Isn't that a good thing? It means her classes are up to standard."

"She proposed a hunter based curriculum!"

"So? Glynda designed the one at Beacon."

'The kids flunked their English test and used me as target practice." Raye finished.

'So… No more substitute teachers?"

"Never again. Yang smashing disco Clubs is something I can deal with. Glynda starting an armed student rebellion I can't."

"She was hired by one of the schools though."

"Wait what?"

Elsewhere-

Faster! Move your left foot! Glynda shouted at the boy swinging duel katanas.

The other boy dodged pulling out a shotgun and firing at close range. The duel continued as the first boy dodged.

'Stop!" Glynda shouted. The two stopped turned and bowed.

"Arigato Grynda-Sensei!" they said, mispronouncing Glynda's name.

'L! L! Use an L not an R!" She shouted. "Extra punishment round for poor pronunciation! Begin!" She said as the boys restarted their duel. Behind her other students were reciting the alphabet.

Glynda smiled, this was the way English should be taught.

Another teacher pocked his head into the training arena "Glynda sensei I must start math class with the students now."

"Come back later." Glynda said dismissively. The math teacher hesitated, contemplating arguing with Glynda, but decided better of it when he saw a twelve year old loading a shotgun. He nodded and quietly left.

"B! B! B not G!" the teacher heard Glynda shout. His walk became a full on sprint back to the office.

* * *

Follow, favorite and Review!

Constructive criticism is always appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5: Ruby watches RWBY

Uh… hi! I'm Ruby! But you probably already knew that Seeing as we are posting this on a fan-fiction site. Why is it called fan-fiction? Doesn't the FF get mixed up with Final Fantasy (I played those games on Raye's xbox 13 is my favorite, the gun-blade is cool)?

Soooo

Yeah. Uh, I was going to write about our first few days here, But seeing as quite a bit of it after the whole "remodeling incident" is a bit of a blur, something about a club and stuff, I'm going to skip ahead a week, don't worry! Yang is covering the first few days! I was kinda boring, I had a really bad headache and a tummy ache and I lost my lunch a lot. Raye was really nice, he gave me medicine to help with the headache and told me to sleep. It helped a little. I guess what the say is true, you always get sick on vacation. Heh, as Raye sometimes says, sucks to be me. Well not me, I'm a huntress in training! I slay monsters and beat up terrorists! I'm cool! I. Drink. Milk.

I'm gonna start us off with something fun! Mostly a movie night at Raye's place that Yang said Raye said was okay.

Yang LIED. Also the reason why the door was locked, never trust Yang with permission. She never gives it and never asks for it.

It was about 6:00 according to my watch. I was wearing pair of slim, dark jeans (they were really itchy, I missed my Combat skirt), My combat boots and a red T-shirt. Exactly as yang had requested everyone dress, as in, dress in what Raye calls normal clothes and the rest of us call Grimm dressing. As in dress like this and you get eaten by Grimm.

Raye almost got mauled last time; it wasn't funny.

Yang was dressed in her usual duster jacket and shirt, but had leggings on instead of her usual shorts. Blake was dressed in a white shirt, a black jacket and dark jeans (yay! Matching jeans!). Weiss was in an entirely white ensemble of white jeans a white belt and, you guessed it, a white collared shirt.

"What are we even doing here?" Weiss asked as Yang slid a makeshift card into the keycard scanner.

"Because, Raye is refusing to show us a TV show called RWBY. He has three seasons of the damn thing. it has our Team name as the title and we can't watch it? How's that fair?" Yang explained

"What if it shows the future? Thing's Monty Oum planned for us to do? Raye knew about the White Fang and about some woman Cinder! Torchwick was shocked at how much info he had about his operations." Blake pointed out. Yang's eyes widened but so did her grin. Yang is really nice, she's like, super-sis but she also has a horrible mischievous streak and unfortunately talk of predictions of the future just got gears in her mind turning.

'What if I get to find out what happens to Team RWBY after graduation? Or who my next romantic relationship is with? Or how to stop Ruby's cookie addiction?"

I moaned at the last one.

"Yaaaang, I don't have an addiction!" I argued.

"Ruby, Remember our little bet last year?" Weiss asked.

"The one about Blake or the one about Neptune, or the one about Glynda and Ozpin?" I asked. In my defense, bets were an incredibly popular pastime for Yang and the upperclassmen (mostly Team CFVY), and she (and Team CFVY) rubbed off on all of us.

"None of those you Dolt! The one about you have only one cookie a day for a month!" Weiss exclaimed, She'd mellowed out a lot since I had exploded upon meeting her two years ago, that didn't mean she didn't have her moments but eh, what can you do?

* * *

"You could ravage her."

"Raye! You said PG12! PG12!" Ruby exclaimed. She spun around in the chair. "How did you sneak up on me? Not even Blake does that… a lot."

"I need to survive your sister, your partner and occasionally Winter's tirades at others. Sneakiness helps a lot."

"Trouble in paradise?" Ruby asked, a mischievous grin coming to her face.

"We're not dating." Raye replied calmly.

"Not that _you_ don't want to." Ruby teased, her grin glowing as Raye attempted to stammer a response.

"You should ask her out, take your own advice! You _know_ Jaune and Pyrrha are."

"Which advice?" Raye asked, suddenly concerned.

"Probably all of it." Ruby replied nonchalantly, turning back to continue writing. She smiled as she heard Raye curse and rush off, probably to disavow his more… snarky advice.

She quietly fist-pumped, Xiao Long genes to the rescue! Rose genes made her cute, But the Xiao Longs (at least Yang) had a storied history of messing with people. Which really was the only way to deal with Raye. The one time they tied him up with Winter in a closet really didn't help.

* * *

"I remember!" I argued defensively. I didn't, but I wouldn't admit that.

"Oh ho ho! I remember that one. Ruby had to eat only one cookie a day for a month and if she did, you'd give her a cartload of Gravity Dust." Yang said grinning as she picked the magnetic lock. "She didn't last twenty minutes. What did she have to do for you again?"

"Nothing too painful."

Then I had a flashback, horrifying images, no cookies, brussel sprouts…

'Heels." I had to wear high heels for a month. I hiss recalling a fate even worse than no cookies. After all I had raided the cookie pantry every night. But whenever Weiss was around (which was almost all the time) I had to wear high heels.

"I'm still not sure I have totally forgiven you for that." I said to Weiss.

"Please, three people asked you out to the dance when you were wearing those heels."

"And none of them ended up going!" Yang said as the lock clicked as the door opened "nailed it." She finished. Pulling the door open. "All aboard the RWBY express! Time for a movie night!"

Two hours later Raye returned.

When Raye got in the first thing he saw was Yang curled up in a ball, clutching her arm. His first reaction was to be pissed, they (not me I'm the cute innocent one) had broken into his apartment, again! But it soon faded to worry as he realized Yang look absolutely petrified.

"Yang…"

"It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here. It's still here." She muttered,

"Okay, Blake what the hell is going on?" He called out, A shuffling in the closet was all he heard, Marching over he opened it up. Two frightened golden eyes greeted him.

"Adam isn't here. Adam isn't here. Adam isn't here. Adam isn't here." Bake chanted.

"What the actual fu-"

"RAYE!" Raye turned to see Weiss march up to him. She pointed a finger at him. 'How dare you keep such critical information from us! You should have told us this is going to happen!"

"Huh?"

"The Vytal festival! The White fang! How dare you keep such critical information from us! Yang loses an arm! Pyrrha dies!"

'Weiss-"

"I don't care about you excuses, maybe you wanted to inform others first, but we can stop this, we just have to alert Ironwood and Ozpin." Weiss began to pace.

The sound of bawling came from the other side of the couch. IT DEFINTELY WASN"T ME!

"Weiss, what did you do?" Raye asked.

'ME? I did nothing! It is you who didn't tell us about these movies about us that tell us the future!" She said pointing to the image on the tv screen.

"RAYE!" A person who was totally adorable but NOT ME exclaimed clinging to his leg. 'Pyrrha comes back right? Right? Penny doesn't die! It's a trick right?"

"Weiss, Ruby-"

"You made Ruby cry! What are you going to do you big… big…" Weiss thought for a minute. "meanie!"

Raye stared at her incredulously. He closed his eyes took a big breath and exhaled. "Weiss, what year are you in at beacon?"

"Third!"

"And when does the show you just watched take place?"

'Evidently the future since it hasn't happened yet!"

"Did you just watch volume three?" Raye asked. Weiss paused a possibility dawning on her. If she had watched the third in series it would likely be assumed that the time period had already been established which meant…

"Yes Weiss, the supposed Battle of Beacon takes place your first year."

"So we forgot it?" Weiss concluded. Slamming a fist into her open palm. It was clear that their memories had been erased after Pyrrha was revived to spare them the horrors they had experienced.

"How are you… I can't… WINTER!" Raye screamed, giving up on rationality. A clatter of heels came from outside. Winter landed on Raye's balcony, dressed in PJs.

"What happened Raye? Intruders? Grimm?"

"Your sister!" Raye screamed.

Then all hell broke loose. Things went downhill fast. There was blood, screams, police, and even spilt milk….

All things I'm going to skip.

Anyway, the end result was that Raye would supervise us watching the rest of the series when he thought we had recovered from the trauma. He was a little vexed that third year huntresses in training were traumatized by a video though.

On the other hand, he has ever since, called Weiss and me "White Rose" I still don't get where that comes from. Maybe from the bakery event the next day? That was fun.

* * *

"Ruby, how you can call it fun is beyond me. We practically-"

"Shush! You'll ruin the surprise! I still have a thousand words to use AND I WILL USE THEM!"

"You don't need to caps the entire sentence!"

"IT ADDS DRAMA! DRAMA I SAY!"

"What is it with you and drama? I am never letting you read Shakespeare again."

"Then I will sneak a ninja's of love book into your book bag!"

"They're in English."

"So...?"

"We're in Japan."

"…"

"But Ruby, if you do that, say goodbye to me sharing Oreo cookies with you on movie nights."

"You don't have the guts."

"Try me."

"…" Ruby vanished in a whirl of rose petals, only to reappear seconds later, carrying a stack of Oreo cookie boxes. "They're mine! All mine!" She cackled. She picked up the computer and vanished with it a second later, ignoring Raye's demands for his computer.

"Yang! Your sister's acting weird again!" Raye shouted.

* * *

Now that I am free of Raye's tyranny (and his stranglehold over these delicious mint and chocolate cookies). I can continue to write to my hearts content!

So the next day, we were all feeling a little less traumatized by our experiences. Raye took us out to a nearby bakery. There we were in normal clothes. Yang as in a pair of khaki's and a collared shirt with leather boots. Blake in Dark jeans and a black jacket (it was spring and it was HOT how was she not sweaty and icky?) I was in jeans and a red shirt, Weiss was in a long white dress.

In other words we stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Hurry up guys, this place gets a massive line when it opens!" Raye urged, walking a little faster.

Raye was of course, talking about a now popular hangout spot for those from Remnant. We can't read the actual name of the place (it's in that weird picture writing called Kanji), we just call it the Melon Bar.

It was the first time we went, so we had no idea it would become a popular spot, but at the time, sugary bread with ice cream was too good an offer to pass up! It was almost as good as cookies (it was also conveniently next to a bakery so I got cookies too!)

We approached the Melon Bar. There wasn't a line in was only 1:00 in the afternoon after all. Boy, was it hot I could see the sweat dripping off Blake, even Yang would later complain about it, and she lights herself on fire when she's angry!

Anyway, sugary melon bread, combined with vanilla and chocolate ice cream in one goopy, cool delicious sandwich? Way too good to pass up. Plus, Raye paid!

Raye handed over the money mumbling about the expense and that we should be getting jobs (we had jobs! It's called being a student!). Anyway we all stood at a nearby table, there weren't any chairs anyway.

"it's so hot out." Weiss complained.

Blake's response was perfect. She dropped her ice cream sandwich on the table, and her bright red face soon followed, smattering the ice cream everywhere.

Raye swore.

"Bad words!" somebody (NOT ME!) shouted.

"It's in my hair!" Yang exclaimed, more in frustration than horror. Half the ice cream had landed in her hair and was currently melting down her face.

Raye ignored the inevitable powder keg called Yang.

"I think she's having heatstroke! We need to get her to a hospital!"

"But her ears!" Weiss pointed out. Raye swore again.

"Bad words!"

"Shut it Ruby!"

"Get this out of my hair!" Yang screamed bursting into flame.

"Yang! Not here!" Raye begged. But she had already ignited her clothes, and unfortunately my clothes as well.

I admittedly screamed, having your shirt light on fire was a new feeling, As was Weiss leaping forward and pouring a soda on me to put it out. Unfortunately, she lost her balance (I blame the Heels!) and she fell forward onto me. It was an interesting day, fortunately Raye was able to get it to calm down. All that happened was a scorched sidewalk, Yang wearing Blake's jacket (her shirt was nearly a pile of ash by that point) and several people taking pictures. it reminded me of last weeks club incident, fortunately there wasn't a repeat of the aftermath and we headed home quickly thereafter. best of all there were no hard feelings with the Melon bar's staff (a new thing for Yang in particular).

Needless to say, the melon bar is now where we hang out, supposedly the little event got them more customers than ever, so we get ice cream sandwiches for free EVERY DAY! Yang said that's not a good thing, I don't really get it.

Soon after my clothes did get a little tight though. Maybe they shrunk?

Well they fit fine now and we still go once every other week, so no problems there!

Eventually we got back the the apartment building without any problems. Yang was bright red, embarrassed by the state of her clothes, Weiss was also blushing and giving me the silent treatment and Raye was currently carrying Blake piggy back style. Overall, it was a fairly normal day for team RWBY.

Although really I would have liked a piggy back ride, my feet hurt.

When we finally got to the second floor, Winter was waiting for us.

"Where have you been?" She asked.

"Melon shop." Raye said.

"A what?"

"Never mind, just out."

"Some crazy witch lady calling herself Salem is waiting in your apartment."

"What?" Raye exclaimed dropping Blake ashis jaw dropped and his arms went limp.

"How did she get in?" he asked

Winter shrugged.

Raye moaned.

The meeting with Salem lasted awhile, mostly because she said he would have to fireproof several apartments. He agreed without complaint, but seemed exhausted. He even said he was lucky not to be dead. Yang wanted details. He said he would do that later.

Well, all is well that ends well!

* * *

Yang's chapter should be up early. I'm really sorry about this chapter, It's not the best, but I didn't want to give Ruby a criminal record yet...

Please follow, favorite and review!

* * *

Omake:

Salem, what are you doing here? Raye asked.

Salem turned around, a giant grin on her face.

"Why, I am here to say hello, see how things are going and tell you that Cinder and her friends are coming."

"Hi, well and CINDER HAS FRIENDS?" Raye exclaimed as the last section.

"the boy with silver hair and the girl with green hair."

"Aren't those her subordinates?"

"Friends, subordinates, slaves, same difference." Salem said waving it off.

"So when are they coming?"

'Right now." Salem said pulling open a closet from which Emerald and Mercury (with two black eyes) scrambled out of the closet.

"Where's Cinder?" Raye asked.

'here." She said, walking out of the kitchen area carrying a pot full of boiling oil. She was using fire from her hand to heat the pot.

"Okay." Raye said weakly, noting to add more locks to the doors.

"Foie gras?" She offered, showing him the pot.

The aroma was mouthwatering. He debated taking anything offered by Cinder Fall including controversial foodstuffs. But eventually shrugged and held out a hand, deciding eating foie gras was infinitely preferable to being murdered. "Sure." He said.

His eyes widened as she reached into the pot of boiling oil and pulled out a fried ball. With a slight grin she held it in front of him.

"Say ahh." She said.

She put the delicious, oily ball in his mouth.

 _"I wonder where she got this?"_ he thought, closing his eyes to somewhat guiltily savor the taste. When he swallowed, he opened his eyes to see bloody footprint from the kitchen right to where Cinder was standing.

"Cinder, may I ask where you got the duck liver?"

"From a duck." Cinder said with a slight grin.

"And where is said duck?" Raye asked. Cinder smiled widely, clearly enjoying his discomfort.

"Why, liver is best cooked fresh of course." She replied.

"I agree." Salem said nodding sagely. 'And the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Where did you get this duck?" Raye asked, doing his best to ignore the second part of Salem's opinion.

"There weren't any really _fresh_ ones at the market, so I got creative."

At the nearby zoo, there was a sign in front of the Laysan Teal duck enclosure, apologizing for their absence, reporting a nearby fire had been the cause. And that they would be back soon, until then, they would be staying at the home of one Cinder Fall.


	6. Chapter 6: Starting with a YANG

There are a few dozen things you learn about people through first impressions. Whether they are strong or weak, smart or stupid. Whether they are a funny adorkable little sister or a prim, uptight prude. Anyway, my first time meeting the Manager told me a few things about him. He was a wimp, he didn't actually want to be there and thirdly, he knew who was boss. Almost ripping out his spine does that to people.

I think he was one of the few people who I judged poorly. As in, none of those things were quite strictly true.

Anyway, to clear this mess up, I'm gonna go back about a hour before Ruby, Weiss, Blake and I traveled from Beacon to Earth, where we ran into Winter and Roman Torchwick. And as I promised Raye, who is currently training with Ruby and Weiss in the park, I will avoid as many puns as I humanly can.

I like to start things off with a Yang though ;) .

* * *

Beacon one hour B.E. (Before Earth)

I was lying on my bed my bag packed for earth. I was playing a game on my scroll, nothing fancy, just smashing Grimm in a fighting game. Ruby was zooming around the room, searching for her lost cookie jar (she has three), Blake was trying to find a way to fit more books into her small duffel bag and Weiss was being… well Weiss.

"Should I bring this one," She asked, holding out a white dress that looked to be made of silk "or this one?" She held out another, apparently identical dress. "I need to make the right impression, serious, firm," She paused, glaring at me "and not someone who will wreck the apartment."

"You talking to me?" I asked turning off the scroll and looking at her. Weiss nodded. "Now which one should I bring?" she asked holding the two dresses out. Both were long sleeveless dresses, no frills or anything. Both were sleeveless and looked exactly the same.

"Aren't they the exact same dress?" I asked. Weiss groaned. "They are not the same! It is critically important to bring the correct clothing for the occasion! Ruby can you help me?"

Ruby appeared next to her in a burst of roses "Yeah Weiss! They look the same to me too." Weiss glared at her.

"They are clearly different you dunce!" She exclaimed "The one on the right was handmade in mistral, crafted from the finest silk!"

'And the one on the left?" I ask

'The one on the left was handmade in Vacuo from the finest silk."

At this I grin, Ruby pulls out a cookie from nowhere (I'm still trying to find out how she does that, fifteen years and no answers yet). Weiss lookeds at me, ruby then me again. She blinks before giving a sigh.

"I'll just take both." She said shoving both dresses into her duffel bag, a pale white bag with the Schnee logo of a pale blue snowflake emblazoned on the sides.

"All that and you are taking both? Good luck fitting important stuff in princess."

"Shut up Yang. At least I am bringing something formal!"

"We're going on vacation, not to the Schnee annual shareholders ball." Blake pointed out.

"Like you are any better! You're just bringing books!" Weiss retorted.

Blake shrugged. "I plan to relax and enjoy myself, not stress out over what I will be wearing."

"So… how were the two dresses different?" Ruby asked, still adorably munching on a cookie.

"They weren't." I reply. "She's just trying to make it seem like they were."

"One was made in Vacuo! The other in Mistral! How much more different can you get!" Weiss exclaims.

"But they look exactly the same." Ruby muttered.

Complete silence spread across the room, everyone waited with baited breath for how the ice princess would respond to that. Weiss groaned and rubbed her forehead.

"It is pointless to explain such things to such a classless person!" She muttered, wandering back to her closet to pack some more things.

These days, I call Weiss a tsundere, but I didn't know what that was back then, so I just called her hot-and-cold towards my sister. The fact that she blatantly likes Ruby certainly makes the entire thing more confusing.

By the way I have two hundred lien riding on them getting together before their time at Beacon ends! Any bets go to SunnyDragon18 .com I am happy to take your money!

Back to the story.

I turned to see Blake packing more books. "You're bringing all those books?"

"Yang we are going to be there for nearly a month, if not longer. I need some reading material. Besides, Ruby will thank me."

"You mean literary erotica." I teased, getting a glare as a response.

"At least I didn't show Ruby the graphic novel edition of Ninja's of Love."

"I meant it as a joke!" I retort.

"Look how that turned out."

So as a joke I pointed out the new graphic novel adaption of ninja's of love to my sister. Next day, she took my advice and bought the next twelve books in the series. I thought she was going to read the first few pages and then squeal about how filthy the book was or something. That didn't happen. Instead I get into some very awkward conversations with my sister. Birds and the bees kind of thing except about how half the images in the book were not actually physically possible. How did I know that?

A story for another time.

Needless to say, things got worse when Blake was asked by Ruby for the actual novels, the comics passed onto Weiss (who hides them under her bed) and so currently the only person on team RWBY not reading Ninja's of Love or a spin off of said series is moi. It truly was an antic gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Pyrrha said there should be a lesson in that. Go figure.

I of course, grumbled something about Blake's books, which she ignored with a knowing smile. I supposedly blushed at the sight of it, mildly embarrassing, but then again, I know how to make Blake blush too.

Weiss and Ruby left the room for lunch. Blake and I remained behind. I decided then and there that it was the perfect time for revenge. As she stood up preparing to close her duffel bag, I reached out with my hand and gently scratched the area between her fluffy cat ears. The reaction was everything I could have hoped. At first she froze, still as a board, but she quickly melted, her legs becoming wobbly as she sank to the floor. I had to bend over the side of my bed to continue scratching between her ears, deftly yanking her black bow off as I did so. Blake didn't even seem to notice. As Blake sank lower to the ground, her face flush I had to lean even further over my bed. I grinned further as Blake's purring became louder. I leaned over a little further, intending to scratch slightly harder (which would elicit an even stronger reaction from our resident cat Faunus).

Instead, I lost my balance.

"Blake! Watch out!" I exclaimed in panic. Blake glanced up noticing that I had stopped scratching. The grin on her face quickly turned to confusion as I fell on top of her. I heard a howl from Blake. Panic took over, "Blake are you okay? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-" I was silenced by the feeling of a hand clawing at my face. Blake was flailing clearly panicked. "Blake calm down!" I begged. She was grabbing and pushing at the same time, making it impossible to get off of her. "Blake!" I shout, snapping Blake out of her paranoia. Blake freezes in mid-flail glancing down then up, then at my face. A pregnant silence follows.

"Why are you on top of me?" Blake asked levelly, her face expressing confusion. Of course, she has to look me in the eye. Blake has the most beautiful amber eyes, which of course, look a little like a cat's. For some reason, my brain turns to jelly when she looks me in the eye like that. So instead of answering, I did not move. I felt heat rising to my cheeks.

The moment (if you could call it that) is ruined a second later when Weiss opens the door to our room.

'Four maidens! At least put a sock on the door!" She exclaimed.

"Weiss! What's going on? Why a –" Ruby began as she pops her head in. Her reaction is comical. At first her mouths changed from a grin to a massive O shape. Then back to a grin, "You know Sis, you should really have less layers on when you do that." She says. Weiss spun to stare at Ruby in horror.

"Ruby!" She exclaimed. She grabbed Ruby and _dragged her inside_ the room (What is up with that?). "Don't say such things in the hallway! People might hear you!"

"But people would certainly hear them!" Ruby argued, pointing to Blake and I as the door slammed shut.

"Just what do you think we were doing?" Blake asks, gently sliding out from under me.

"Well, Yang did have you between her thighs and uh, you know how _that_ goes in Ninjas of love…" Ruby began.

Blake cocked an eyebrow, a grin coming to her face. She turned to me.

"Is that what you were planning Yang?" She asked sultrily, one eyebrow raised. She rested her elbow on the ground, laying her head in her hand with the other arm resting cross her body. "Were you planning on having your way with me?"

I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. It was kind of strange that the rest of my team had gotten better in the last two years at flirting than I had. Even Ruby, could, at times, string along boys if she wanted to. Generally she was still the cookie loving, socially awkward little sister, but if the occasion called for it, she could be a downright femme fatale.

Whereas Weiss would have once called me perverted, that has completely changed now. The primary targets of her accusations are Ruby and Blake, and sometimes the books she reads. The fact that under her bed was a veritable porn stash certainly didn't help matters.

I didn't get a chance to answer Blake before there is a heavy, quick knock on the door. "Girls! Time to go. The portal is here and prepared for your journey to another dimension. You will have to visitors who are already waiting for you on the other side!" A voice that could only belong to Professor (I mean doctor) Oobleck said in rapid succession.

'I expect to find out later." Blake said getting up and grabbing her duffel bag. Ruby and Weiss lifted theirs and quickly left, following Oobleck. I ran behind, trying to catch up, my face a bright red color.

The trip over wasn't bad, neither was the part where we had to wait with Winter and Torchwick. Weiss had basically glomped onto Winter faster than Ruby could with Qrow, and Torchwick was happy being ignored. There was the general chit chat and getting to know one another, polite conversation (which was boring) and the possible death threat as Ruby intentionally flirted with Weiss, much to the latter (and the latter's sister) embarrassment. Ruby was about to be chewed out by Weiss when a guy, probably a few years older (I was guessing twenty-five or twenty-six, he ended up being twenty-two) approached. He had brownish hair and was relatively tall. He was built like a brawler, and maybe he was, considering what he was carrying, but without the muscle mass I couldn't be sure. Behind him, was Glynda Goodwitch, struggling to carry a similar amount of plastic bags.

Surprisingly, he knew all our names and introduced himself. It seemed like things would go smoothly, even with some of the more restrictive rules. That went to hell when Zwei popped out of Ruby's bag. I grinned, this was going to be so fun.

* * *

I started writing Yang's chapter a little early and came up with this, then the chapter started to stretch a little too long for my taste so I would have probably had to delete all of this, But I liked how it worked, so made it its own chapter. Yang's actual chapter is about halfway done through the rough draft, so maybe an early release in July?

Please follow, favorite and review.


	7. Chapter 7: Ending with a bang

"So you brought a dog. A dog to an apartment complex." Raye groaned after Glynda refused to help him (probably the first time I actually liked Glynda Goodwitch).

'It's just a dog." Ruby whined.

"Yeah. But there is a principle. What if Cinder decides to bring an ursa and call it a pet or something?" Raye argued.

'I'm pretty sure a grimm can't be a pet." Blake said.

"Blake, they make Tiger's pets in this world, that doesn't mean they don't still maul people's faces off." Raye argued.

'What's a tiger?" Ruby asked.

"I think that is something to deal with later. What of our living quarters?" Winter interrupted.

"Fortunately, we bought some extra futons, so there are enough. But I don't know about utilities or what rooms are vacant." Raye said, turning to Glynda.

'The third and fourth floors are vacant. As is the apartment right next to this one."

"I will take the apartment next door." Winter said.

"hey Ice queen, why are you even here?" Roman asked.

"The same could be asked of you." Winter shot back.

"Enough fighting." Raye said briskly, clearly annoyed.

'Winter get's the one next door. Roman will get one on the fourth floor. Weiss and Ruby will take 401, Blake and Yang, 402. Grab your futons and go; I'll bring the cards with me once I get Glydna sorted.

"Already got the boss lady around your little finger? How far did you guys go?" I asked jokingly. At this Glynda paled, horrified at the implication that she had slept with him.

"Yang, What I do in my time is my business, just how your not so secret love affair with Blake is yours." Raye replied, making me conclude that he actually had not slept with Goodwitch.

I didn't react well to that. Mostly because my mouth clicked shut.

"He's got you there sis." Ruby said, hoisting a rolled up bundle of cloth, which was actually a futon. "I just hope our apartments aren't this bad."

"They're not, Just don't let Goodwitch in and you should be fine." Raye said grimacing as Glynda kicked him in the shin.

It felt like forever before Raye came over with our plastic key cards.

"Don't lose these. And don't stick them with anything magnetic." He said sliding one into the door. He twisted the doorknob and the door opened with a metallic click. Raye pushed the door inwards before stepping out of the way.

"Make yourselves at home." He said casually. Blake grinned as she walked inside with her futon, thanking him as she passed the doorway.

"Not coming inside with us?" I asked with a grin.

"Do you want any help unpacking?" He asked calmly. I shook my head.

"We'll be fine." I said. Suddenly there was a thunderous crash. Ryae and I spun towards the apartment next door.

"What the hell?" Raye asked. I groaned.

"You dunce!" Came a voice that clearly belonged to Weiss.

Ryae rushed over and yanked open the apartment door. Within what must have been half a second, all color drained from his face and his jaw dropped open, eyes wide.

"What did she do?" I asked, strolling up before glancing inside. "Oh man, I didn't think it would be that bad."

What had once been a two room apartment was now an apartment with half of its floor missing. Ruby was standing still on the further tatami matted room, it's floor unharmed. The wooden floor leading to the room however mysteriously vanished once you left the hallway leading to the actual apartment.

"I didn't mean to! I thought what's a few pieces of wood? I didn't mean to have the floor give way!"

"You dolt! You took out the supports and then tried to build a bed on it! Don't you know whose apartment we are over? I told you to ask first!" Weiss shouted at my poor sister, hands on her hips as she continued her rant.

"Ruby, how the hell did you do this?" Raye asked. He cautiously took a step into the room, wary of what else could collapse.

"I used some of the boards! I wanted bunk beds like at Beacon!"

"Have you checked how low the ceiling is?" He asked.

Ruby slowly glanced up, noting that the ceiling was actually only three or four feet above her head. Bunk beds _could_ have fit, but whoever was on the top would not have been able to sit up Ruby would have smashed her head into the ceiling enough times to put holes in the floor above her, as well as the floor below.

"Um… oops." Ruby said, chuckling uncomfortably. I glanced over at Raye, our would-be manager who currently was not managing very well. Wasn't this his job? I get being a sucky fighter; he has no muscle on him, but also not being able to manage anything? I wondered why Professor Ozpin chose him.

Before the situation could escalate further I clapped a hand down on Raye's shoulder. "Well! It's getting late! We all are stressed out, we should go relax."

"I agree!" Ruby said quickly, clearly she had picked up a few of my lessons about getting out of trouble, always propose doing something fun, people forget that they were ever angry when they had fun.

"Like what?" Weiss asked.

"Am I the only one who hasn't forgotten we are talking across a hodl into my apartment?" Raye asked loudly.

"Whelp we can fix that later!" I said quickly, grabbing his collar and dragging him back outside.

"Let go! let go! leggo!" he begged as I dragged him towards the stairs. Weiss and Ruby followed behind. I pulled out my scroll and sent a quick text to Blake telling her to meet us downstairs. I smiled, I was so going to enjoy tonight!

A few minutes later Blake met us all outside of Raye's apartment. Raye was shaking his head.

"Completely unacceptable." He muttered

'What is?" Ruby asked. Raye pointed to our clothes.

'Your clothes aren't something that one goes on to the street with."

"Hey!" I exclaimed "These are nice clothes!"

"You are in Japan, it isn't the most accepting country when it comes to revealing clothes. You'll attract more attention than… than…" Raye paused, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

"Than what?"

"Than a bull in a china shop!" He finally said.

"A what in a what?" Ruby asked.

"You dolt! China is the name of a luxury furniture brand!" Weiss snapped. Turning to Raye "On that note, do they have any stores here?"

Raye shook his head.

I clapped my hands together "We should be off! Where is the nearest club?" I asked.

Raye looked at me aghast. "You are not going to a club armed to the teeth!"

"We're not!" Ruby argued, "I'm only bringing Crescent Rose!"

"None of us have weapons that have to do with our teeth anyway." Blake pointed out. Raye slapped himself in the face. His palm covering almost the entirety of his face.

'What are you doing?" Ruby asked. Raye's hand dropped as he stared at Ruby incredulously.

"Have you never heard of a facepalm?" He asked.

"A facepalm?" Weiss asked. A look of confusion on her face as she cocked her head to one side.

"You know what, Forget it. This is going to be hell for me regardless of what I do. I might as well get used to this mess." He began, a hint of anger in his voice. He spun around "Where's Glynda? If we are all going out we should bring her, winter and Roman."

I grabbed his shoulder, "Nope. You are not doing that this is a bonding experience with Team RWBY!"

He looked at me before nodding slowly. A sigh escaped his lips. "There's a club called Duckbeak nearby. Follow me, I'll cover the entry since you guys have no money."

Weiss opened her mouth to protest but Ruby covered her mouth quickly, _My little sister has learned so much!_ I thought happily. Now to see how much I could screw with Raye. A few moments later Raye walked by us and opened the door to the main staircase.

"Well, coming?" He asked impatiently.

"no duh!" I said, sauntering over.

"What are you writing Yang?" A voice said behind her. Yang spun around, slamming her right fist into the person's face. A small squeal of pain followed as the man, dressed in workout clothes clutched his face.

"Yang!" Ruby shrieked

"What was that for?" Weiss demanded

"I think she broke my face! Damn it! Don't you know what holding back is woman?" Raye said furiously.

"That's what happens when you sneak up on someone." Yang said haughtily, she stood over Raye, placing her hands on her hips.

Raye slowly stood, "How do I look? Anything broken?" He asked Ruby, A thumbs up from Ruby caused most of the tension to slip out of his frame and the fury to recede from his eyes.

"Yang What the hell are you doing in my apartment?" He asked calmly.

"Writing." Yang replied calmly.

"What are you writing you huge oaf?" Weiss demanded, marching over to the laptop.

"I'm writing about the club trip and our first day on Earth."

Weiss spun around, terror on her face. Ruby also looked a little frightened, frozen like a deer in a car's headlights.

"I thought Weiss was supposed to write the next one!" Raye said quickly, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead.

"Yeah but Glynda was sooo boring. Weiss would have been the same!"

Raye groaned. "You Yang, will make me old before my time. Just write it."

"Sooo, no punishment for entering your apartment?"

"Breaking and entering is a crime, I will be sure to report it to everyone." Raye said. Yang snorted in a response.

"And then post those magical girl pictures of you and Ruby. I'm sure the CCT will love having Yang Xiao Long in a fluffy tutu. "

"I gave those to you in confidence!"

"You also taught me to use blackmail. You reap what you sow."

Yang pouted. Before she sat back down at the computer. "I will get my revenge!" She exclaimed as Raye, Ruby and Weiss sat down on the couch and turned on the Xbox.

"Sure, Whatever Yang. Weiss, Ruby, Battlefront or Grimm Eclipse?"

Anyway back to the party! Raye blushed, as I got close. This was going to be so fun. He spun around, "follow me!" he said quickly. We all followed him happily, not even noticing that we had picked up a hanger-on.

Down a dingy street, turn right, walk another five minutes and take another right and you hit yet another dingy street. In the middle of this dingy street is a small, cramped, underground club called Duckbeak. The club itself was in desperate need of redecorating, not to mention an expansion, but hey, it was the only one Raye knew of, he wasn't much of a party guy at that point. We followed him down the stairs. All of us were dressed well, or as well as we had been when we fought that paladin our first year. Blake whimpered slightly.

I turned to look a her. 'What's wrong?" I asked, wondering if she could already hear the music.

"The music is a little loud, I'll get used to it." She said quietly, throwing ona slight grin to comfort me. I knew that the second half was bullshit, and thinking back, I should have cared more, but Blake was an adult, just like the rest of us, If she wanted to leave, she would. At least, thinking back that's how I rationalized it.

To be fair, I didn't expect to spend the next morning in a cell.

"You never do." Blake said over Yang's shoulder.

"Yeah, but hell, that was a lot of fun."

"I don't think everyone else thought that. Winter was almost apoplectic that her sister had a record."

"It was just some slight vandalism!"

"And battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, be thankful that Raye was there to basically lie us out of prison terms."

"I thought that was Glynda giving the cops bags full of money."

"That too."

The night started out well enough. They didn't have strawberry sunrises, hell, they had no idea what a strawberry sunrise was. I tried pantomiming, drawing and crying, zilch, the bartender was useless. I eventually got a mojito and they gave it to me in a PLASTIC CUP! And at the risk of sounding like the Ice Princess, It was just so low class, hot sweaty crowded with loud music Maybe if the bartender was dressed in something better than a T-shirt, handing out old plastic cups, I might have liked the place. But to make matters even worse, it was only ten PM and people were stumbling around drunk. My hope of a fun night faded a little.

After that, things went south fast. How fast you ask? I hadn't even hit the dance floor.

"pretty lady, good hair." Some weirdo behind me said. I turned,

"back off, not interested." The guy was dressed in a crummy stained T shirt and ripped jeans, His sneakers were falling apart, he had a patchy beard and four piercings on one ear. He stumbled about. Several other people turned to look at him. Most looked on in mild curiosity, some with disgust.

"Pretty lady, how would you like me?" He asked attempting to sound sly.

"No." I said turning and walking off.

Honestly, drunk guys hitting on me are a dime a dozen, sometimes it's fun to flirt, but that guy was SMASHED. There was literally nothing to flirt with but a bottle of booze.

I saw Raye standing by a corner, talking to Blake, Weiss and Ruby were on the dance floor, Weiss attempting to dance to EDM was a laugh, I made note that next time, I would need to bring my camera.

Then that drunk bastard grabbed my hair.

'I want some." He said. My aura flared, eyes crimson with fury. I turned to see him making a kissing face.

I doubt he expected to end up kissing my fist.

His head spun around, a creaking sound coming as he crashed into a table.

Raye and Blake ran up. "What the hell was that for?" He asked in a panicked tone. Staring at at mess I had just caused.

"He grabbed my hair!" I exclaimed, my eyes clearly crimson colored.

Raye stared at me, a look of confusion on his face. "he grabbed you're hair?" He asked calmly. I nodded.

"And so you, who can punch giant steel robots apart, decided to punch an aura-less human?"

"When you put it that way It doesn't sound so good." I muttered, feeling mildly concerned.

"We have to get out of here." Blake said quickly.

She lurched forward as Weiss slung her arm over Blake's shoulder. "Nah Blake.' She slurred, her face bright red, "We shhhould shtay longerrrrr."

Raye turned. "Weiss Schnee is drunk?" He put a hand to his head and groaned. "I feel a headache coming on. Is this what Glynda feels like on a daily basis?"

"Probably." Blake said, annoyance clear on her face.

"I only had one drink…" Weiss moaned "I'm not that drunk!"

"What drink?" Raye asked. The look on his face making it clear he had several ideas.

"Shomyu? Shoki? Something like that…."

"Was it Shochu by chance?"

Weiss pointed at him "yeah! Good stuff."

"No wonder she's hammered." Raye said, turning to look for Ruby.

"Where's ruby?"

"Weiss! Where did you go? It's bright and loud and everyone smells funny!" Ruby said wandering up to us. Raye tapped her shoulder. She spun around

'Raye! What happened to Weiss why is she all-"

"Ruby!" Weiss exclaimed peeling herself off Blake and giving Ruby a big hug. "My best friend in the whole world!"

Ruby turned several shades of red, although it might have looked more like blue, probably due to the strobe lights.

"Am I the only one creeped out by this?" I asked. Raye and Blake nodded in unison, each looking like they were observing a strange, unknown animal.

Then again, Weiss Schnee is a strange unknown animal.

This was conveniently interrupted by several uniformed people. One of whom unfortunately attempted to rip Weiss off of ruby.

"Don't touch my friend!" Weiss exclaimed casting a glyph, the man flew into a nearby wall with a crack.

"Not this…" Raye moaned as the other two drew weapons, ad we did likewise.

Half a hour, three riot squads and two downed helicopters later, The four of us (Raye somehow got away) ended up in a jail cell.

Somehow, we actually ended up assaulting police officers; you'd imagine they would stay out of the way of hunters, or at least announce that they were police officers. Certainly something for the guys in full body casts to remember next time.

So how did we get out of this little problem?

Well, we had no ID, we had military grade equipment (Ruby used her snipe rifle warscythe A LOT, which presumably did not help our case), and we basically shrugged off bullets. So we were in some really, really deep crap.

All resolved with the power of money!

That is right! Glynda paid someone, who knew someone, who knew someone who further down the line knew someone else who eventually got our charges dropped. How that worked, I have no idea, but let me tell you, Glynda's lecture SUCKED. What was worse? Raye tried to do a pun.

"You wanted to start your time off here with a bang. Looks like you started it of with a yang."

I punched him through a wall for that one, it was just a bad pun, and probably intended to be insulting,

I have better puns than Bang + Yang (Which sounds odd now that I think of it, is it an innuendo or something?).

Anyway the next day was quiet for us. And Blake had us utterly convinced that we should go to the library, and Idea that Raye (and Glynda) enthusiastically supported as it would probably cause way less property damage than any of my ideas (MMA combat tournaments are cool), and ruby wanted to have a street race, which would have been AWESOME (So proud of my little sis) but Raye didn't have the money for cars.

So we headed off to the library, Which we all expected to be boring, but was actually pretty awesome, SPOILER! We're now banned from the library.

So yeah, look forward to Blake's entry coming up next!

* * *

SO that was a thing? I had this sitting on my computer for a while and finally decided it's better to release than have it gather figurative dust.

I'll be changing the update schedule. I haven;t decided exactly to what, but it won't be consistent, If i write a chapter and think it is actually funny I'll upload it probably as a oneshot rather than as part of this story. I've learnt a lot and gained experience, but I need to work on my humor a lot more. The last few chapters haven't really been funny in my opinion, so pointers on funny-ness would be appreciated. For example: what was the funniest chapter up until now and why? Why was it funny?

For those how have reviewed, followed and favorited, thank you. this hasn't been dropped, but don't expect anything for a few months while a figure out what I am doing.

Thanks a ton for reading.

Until next time.


	8. Preview: Have a very RWBY Christmas

Thought RWBY Meets World was back? Yes it is! With a Christmas Special! This here is a preview of the actual thing, since I decided to go with Raye swearing multiple times I rated it M, mostly for safety. So, If you want to see the next chapter, check out my author's page, Every chapter in the RWBY Meet World AU I post will have a preview in this story.

The Story title is: Have a Very RWBY Christmas, mostly because I couldn't think of a witty name. Leave recommendations for a half-decent-to-actually-good name in the reviews!

* * *

 _Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the apartment nothing was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung from the balcony with something resembling care, with Ruby hoping Saint Nicholas would soon be there._

 _The huntresses (and criminals) were nestled all snug in their beds_

 _While visions of guns, cookies, and maybe sugar plums danced / battled in their heads._

 _With Yang resting with Blake (Thank you tequila shots), and a book in my lap_

 _Everyone had finally (Four A.M.!) FINALLY settled down for a long winter's nap._

And then God Damn Peter Port had to crash through my f #^ing window.

Seriously, It had been four months! Four months! Since Salem and Ozpin assigned me the job of dealing with huntresses, a homicidal flame blasting criminal her kleptomaniac and Egomaniac lackeys, a Soldier (sorry "special operative") with a stick up her ass, and that's just the beginning!

Needless to say, any concept of getting sleep was gone. Glass and wood sprayed all over my bed, as Peter Port landed in a roll.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed, bolting out of bed, swearing as I stepped on a small shard of glass. Sure, my aura made sure it didn't actually cut me, but it still sucked nonetheless.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as big broad hands grabbed my shoulders, and in a manner fitting for the bastard I was dealing with, started to shake me as if I was a cocktail, shaken, not stirred.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas my boy! Are you ready to begin distributing the presents?"

"Huh?" I ask when he finally stops shaking me, presumably so I could answer.

I looked at Peter Port, The man is dressed in a bright red suit. No, It was not a Santa suit; that would have been fitting. No, this was a bright red suit. A white shirt and green tie completed the get up, only to be topped by a red fedora with a white stripe.

Honestly, Maybe Roman could have pulled it off. But Port? Not in a million years.

A slap on the back (although a bone-crushing slam may have been a more fitting descriptor) knocked me out of my thought process.

"Now where are the gifts? Krampus can't give out gifts if there aren't any!"

Now that got my attention. "Port, Krampus doesn't give out gifts, Santa does." I say blearily.

The man paused, his moustache shifting, how he does that I still don't know, maybe it's a hunter thing.

He shrugged, his brow scrunching up. "Don't be a fool! I read-up on Christ mass! It's part of my job! Ozpin explained it all."

I groaned "Christmas, is a holiday where Santa Claus gives gifts to good children, Krampus punishes bad ones."

"The Onion was quite specific! I made sure to read up on it!" he said, showing me a scroll image of a newspaper article.

"Port." I begin.

'Yes?" he asks jovially.

"Do you know what satire is?"

"Of course I do! Do _you_ know what Satire is?"

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This is a preview, the story itself is almost 9,000 words! Check out my author page for the story itself, or you know, search for it. it might still be on the first page of the RWBY story pages.

Please enjoy responsibly.


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